A very special September 12th

Once upon a time, I bought a shirt for my father as a gift that says, “Dad not all heroes wear capes”.  I held on to that shirt all these years, for sentimental reasons, and I still look at it from time to time.  I’m bringing it up now because today is my dad’s birthday; he would have been 70 years of age.  Of all the things I could say about my dad right now, I stand by the caption on that shirt: my dad was a hero who didn’t wear a cape.  This is not inappropriate hero worship here; my dad was not perfect because no father is.  But Dad lived his life with gentleness, integrity, valor, and character.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The purpose of life is not to be happy.  It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”  That captures my dad so well.  He was honorable, compassionate, a difference maker, who lived well to the very end of his life.  I want those terms to define my life as well, as I run “with perseverance the race marked out for [me]” (Hebrews 12:1).  The very next verse speaks of fixing our eyes on Jesus.  I’m learning – even to this very hour – I can’t fix my eyes on my pastor, parents, or my past, but on my Savior.  However, that said, I’m encouraged and fortified by contemplating my dad’s example too. 

Today was special, but it was also bittersweet.  I miss my dad.  I still think of his faithfulness, his strength, his self-discipline, and of course, his amazing sense of humor that no one could ever duplicate.  Dad’s unexpected passing changed my life, because part of my life now is to take care of my mother.  James 1:27 speaks of looking after widows in their distress; I want to follow this Bible verse as this is an important concept, but also because – as I was recently telling some people at an event at church – my father absolutely adored my mother, and I know he would be pleased to know that I am looking after her.

In closing, I’m so grateful for the assurance that the grave is not the end for the believer in Christ.  There is an existence after death.  The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5 “absent from the body…present with the Lord.”  I miss my dad, but to think of him in the wondrous bliss of Heaven comforts my heart.  I mean, consider this: my dad, on those streets made of gold, finds himself alongside men like Billy Graham, Luis Palau, Jim Elliot, Truett Cathy, Charles Stanley, Adrian Rogers, beloved Christian singer Carman (and on and on I could go).  There is hope in this; not a wishful thinking kind of hope like we use it in English (“I hope it doesn’t rain”), but rather a determined certainty of coming good.  

God bless,

Kevin

"Scars are tattoos with better stories"

I was originally going to call today’s blog Hello September, until I went in another direction.  I intended to call it that because it is now officially a year ago that I returned home from the emergency room.  As I began mentally putting this blog together, I saw someone with a shirt that had these words: “Scars are tattoos with better stories.”  Amen to that!  What is a scar after all?  It’s a wound that has been healed.  To be transparent with you, even though I like the sentiment of that shirt, I wonder if what I endured a year ago, psychologically speaking, is a scar yet.  I wonder about this for a few reasons. 

First off, because sometimes I have what I call memory flashes of my time in that hospital and the aftermath.  Inwardly, I still wince whenever I see a character from a movie or TV show in a hospital; I know firsthand how traumatic it is for the patient and their loved ones to be in that stressful environment.  Or for another example, every time I drive on a certain road, my mind goes to my brother driving me home on that very same road last year, feeling so grateful to be alive, and to be out of that ER.  The emotional healing continues.

Another element of this whole idea of a wound healing to become a scar arose just last week.  On Friday (8/30), it was a normal work day, when out of the blue, I began to feel symptoms like I’ve never felt before in my life.  I began feeling dizzy and off-balance with every step (I’ve never been drunk, but I imagine that’s what it must feel like).  I promptly left work.  What ensued was vomiting 6 or 7 times, and being so fatigued that I basically slept from 3 in the afternoon to 12 Midnight.  The next day I was feeling better, as if nothing had been wrong.  I still have no explanation as to what happened; my best guess is a severe allergic reaction, or perhaps a 24-hour bug.  Ultimately, however, it doesn’t even really matter to me what it was.

I share all of that vulnerably with you to say this: I have my struggles.  I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  This year, for instance, anxiety can easily take over and convince me that I will soon be back in the ER again.  Whether it is the aftermath of trying to process what happened on Friday, or any other sickness I’ve had since last September; or even just to have some random pain in my stomach that amounts to nothing, it’s easy to spiral down a path of uncertainty, lack of trust in God, and fear.  I’m just being real with you.  But the Bible instructs me to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). 

Therefore, I have cited various Bible verses to combat the anxiety and fear.  I have quoted Psalm 31:15 where the Psalmist affirms to the Lord, “My times are in your hands.”  Or Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”  Or even the beginning words from the ever-popular Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd.”  I can testify to the absolute truth of Psalm 91:1-2: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.””

In conclusion, in 2018, the group “I Am They” released a song titled “Scars”.  I love this song; and I hear its truth, as it were, with new ears: “Waking up to a new sunrise, looking back from the other side; I can see now with open eyes.  Darkest waters and deepest pain, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  ‘Cause my brokenness brought me to You, and these wounds are a story You’ll use.  So I’m thankful for the scars ‘cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart; and I know they’ll always tell of who You are.  So forever I am thankful for the scars.  Now I’m standing in Your confidence, with the strength of Your faithfulness, and I’m not who I was before.  No, I don’t have to fear anymore.”

God bless,

Kevin  

"To live is Christ and to die is gain"

My original plan for this blog today was to walk through some verses from Philippians 1, but God took me in a different direction; it became apparent that instead I was to focus on a singular verse – Philippians 1:21 (“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain”).  I’ve been forthright about my health struggles in 2023.  I’m certainly quite grateful to the Lord for the gift of life, but just to have it documented, what if I didn’t survive?  My answer is Philippians 1:21; “to live is Christ” – a sentiment I want to delve deeper into in a moment – and to die is actually gain.  

I was impacted by an article that I came across from got questions.org titled “What does it mean “to live is Christ” (Philippians 1:21)?”  This page begins with these words: “Philippians 1:21 says, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”  Most people focus on the second part of the verse, “to die is gain,” and contemplate the joys of heaven.  But we should not overlook what comes before.  The importance of the phrase “to live is Christ” cannot be overstated.  In all honesty, this phrase should be central to every Christian’s life.” 

While I’m not able to share the whole article today – the link can be found right here if you are interested in reading it in its entirely; however, I did want to include that the author goes on write: ““To live is Christ” means that we are willing to give up anything that prevents us from having Christ.  Paul’s testimony in this regard: “What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him” (Philippians 3:7-9).  We cling to the promise of our Lord in Mark 10:29-30 that our sacrifices for Jesus’ sake will be repaid a hundredfold.

“To live is Christ” means that Christ is our focus, our goal, and our chief desire.  Christ is the center point of our mind, heart, body and soul.  Everything we do, we do for Christ’s glory.  As we run the “race marked out for us,” we lay aside the entangling sin and worldly distractions, “fixing our eyes of Jesus” (Hebrews 12:1-2).  He is our life.”

Someone recently asked me about my view on if there is afterlife or not.  I answered that I believed that there is an afterlife.  When he asked me to elaborate more on this, in essence, I answered, ‘my dad passed away several years ago now; he went to Heaven because he had a real, right relationship with God.  And because I also have a real, right relationship with God, whenever I die, I will see my dad again in Heaven.’  This person seemed satisfied with my answer. 

The Bible says, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Romans 10:13).  Call on His name, if you haven’t, and be saved from God’s wrath against sin.  To have a relationship with God is glorious; to live for Him is so much better than to live for self (“to live is Christ”), and one day, when this life ends, the infinite bliss of the paradise of Heaven awaits (“to die is gain”).  Perhaps I will say more about Rebecca St. James’ 2003 song “Yes, I believe in God” another day, as a lot more should be said.  But for now, let me share that I was particularly struck – hearing this song again 20 years later – with this line from her work, “So through the fire I’ll be refined.  And if that fire were to take life, I’ll be with Him forever.  I will be with Him forever.”    

God bless,

Kevin       

Analyzing a maligned film - and the Editors Cut

Longtime readers of this blog will know that I have been an avid supporter of the 2007 film “Spider-Man 3”.  Right off the bat, I have to acknowledge that the movie has glaring flaws; no one is going to deny that.  To this day, I have difficulty seeing certain scenes of this film.  I once described some of these moments as cringe-worthy, and I stand by that again today.  Furthermore, if someone wanted to argue that this one is the weakest installment of the whole trilogy, I would say they probably aren’t wrong.  Yet, having all of this said, I submit that this film still does not deserve all of the negative press that it has received. 

I recently had the chance to see “Spider-Man 3” again.  It is so layered, I could go on and on citing various aspects of the film that I thoroughly enjoyed seeing this time around.  You can relax; I’m not going to be writing such a blog today.  But let me give one example: I was very impressed with Thomas Haden Church’s portrayal of Flint Marko/Sandman.  I saw Church’s comedic talent as Lowell in the sitcom “Wings”; his portrayal of Flint Marko makes you forget all about Lowell.  Marko is nuanced with greed, menace, sympathy, and inner turmoil.

Furthermore, seeing this film again also made me change my mind on perceived negative elements.  For instance, in the past I criticized the decision to include Harry Osborn’s amnesia in this already overstuffed movie.  However, upon further review, I see now that I was wrong.  In fact, there’s an amazing moment in “Spider-Man 3” that doesn’t get nearly enough praise.  When Harry was in the hospital, with no memory of his bitterness and hatred, he looks happy and carefree.  After a nurse comments on how pleasant Peter and Mary Jane are, Harry says they are his best friends, and then he emphatically states, “I’d give my life for them.”  That’s what you call foreshadowing.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one of the infamous scenes in “Spider-Man 3”.  After Peter chooses to bond with a black alien suit; he gets decked out in all black clothes and dances lamely in the street.  This scene takes on a new context in “Spider-Man 3: Editors Cut” (which was released in 2017, and a film I was finally able to see); Peter brutally attacks Harry, verbally and physically.  He ends this horrible sequence by throwing a pumpkin bomb at Harry, leaving his face disfigured.  After all this occurs, Peter changes into his black duds, and dances in the street.  This shows that he has no remorse or guilt over what he has just done.  It’s dark and twisted, but I admit it’s better than the original theatrical version. 

Speaking of “Spider-Man 3: Editors Cut”, I would suggest to you that this movie is the superior version of the two.  The biggest evidence of this is how Harry’s change of heart is depicted.  In the theatrical version, it was Bernard, the butler, who told Harry it was obvious Norman Osborn had died at his own hand, not at Spider-Man’s.  In the Editor’s Cut, Harry sees a framed picture of himself, Peter, and Mary Jane, under cracked glass.  Seeing this shattered image grips Harry.  In that moment, he chooses to forgive Peter, and fight by his side.  The fact that Harry’s change comes from his own mind and heart makes this development in the story much stronger.

Unforgiveness and bitterness are too heavy a load to carry, it is so much better to choose to forgive.  Colossians 3 says, “You must rid yourselves of all things such as these: anger, rage, malice, slander…Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another” (verses 8 and 13).  That’s the biggest pull of “Spider-Man 3”.  It’s why I’m recommending “Spider-Man 3: Editors Cut” today.  Not because either film is a flawless masterpiece; they aren’t.  Rather, because we are shown that forgiveness is liberating.  Harry forgives Peter – and ultimately gives us a striking example of Jesus’ words in John 15:13 (“Greater love has no one than this than to lay down one’s life for a friend”); Peter forgives Flint Marko for his misdeeds.  And in a beautiful scene at the very end, Mary Jane forgives Peter.  It’s a satisfying conclusion to an epic trilogy.

God bless,

Kevin

"You've walked me through fires"

As important as the discipline of journaling is, I confess I don’t do it as often as I should.  However, I do have a special journal, that I do write in from time to time.  It was a gift from my mother, for my birthday last year.  Recently, I looked back at a special entry in that journal, from about this same time in August of 2023.  I began that entry by quoting a pastor that I had just recently heard on the radio; to this day, I still don’t know this pastor’s name, but I vividly recall his words.  He said, “We [Christians] do forget how God provides, helps, and is faithful.”  I went on to describe what I called “an extremely difficult day.”  How it hurt any time I tried to breathe deeply.  While the severe symptoms of that day subsided for a time, that was only the beginning.

What followed was a gradual decline.  I was off work for a time; I went to the doctor, but the root cause of my illness went undiscovered.  Various ailments continued to manifest, but no one could seem to determine what was going on.  Finally, weeks after that day I wrote about in my journal, through a blood test, a doctor discovered that I had developed internal bleeding.  Incidentally, I’m now intimately aware of the truth of the Bible verse that says, “For the life of the flesh is in the blood” (Leviticus 17:11).  Because you see, by this time it was late August, and I had lost so much blood that I wasn’t too far from death’s door. 

After a stay in an emergency room, an ulcer discovery, and the aid of talented men and women from the medical profession, ultimately the seriousness of my situation was averted.  I recall just what I was watching when I was told that I would be able to go back home – which at this point, was a few days into September.  I was viewing “Batman Begins” (and, by the way, I was stunned to realize that this movie is almost 20 years old; time sure flies when you’re having fun!).  As I was watching this excellent film, in that ER bed, I felt such relief and gratitude to just be alive.  I’ve decided to make it an annual event to watch “Batman Begins” every August now, in celebration.

You wouldn't be surprised to learn that there was a previous draft of this blog today where I went on and on; let me just start to wrap this up.  Why am I sharing this?  Because that pastor I quoted was right: God provides, helps, and is faithful, yet if we aren’t careful, we can completely forget it.  The God of the universe spared my life – He did it last year, and He has done so in other episodes in my life too – therefore, out of gratitude, I want to turn around and broadcast God.  You don’t want me to broadcast myself, believe me, it’s not always the prettiest of pictures.  But God, He is faithful, kind, merciful, gracious, and healing.

To conclude, in that journal entry last year, I cited Jordan St. Cyr’s song “Fires”; this was a song that helped me last August, when I didn’t even know what I was contending with.  It feels even more appropriate to quote it here.  Jordan sings to God, “You’ve walked me through fires, pulled me from flames; if You’re in this with me, I won’t be afraid.  When the smoke billows higher, oh and higher, and if feels like I can barely breathe, I’ll walk through these fires, ‘cause You’re walking with me.”

God bless,

Kevin

Initial August reflections

My plan was to submit multiple posts as we entered August, yet here it is the 10th; things didn’t pan out like I anticipated.  God had other plans, apparently. It’s a good reminder of how whenever plans are replaced with God’s, defer to His.  I’m just glad to have the opportunity to submit content, even if it’s not as frequently as I would.  That’s not even what I wanted to talk about today.  With those personal remarks out of the way, let’s move on.   

Whenever I listen to Rebecca St. James song “In the middle of the fire” (from her album “Kingdom Come”) it is an interesting experience, because my mind floods with visceral memories.  “In the middle of the fire, I will trust You, Father.  In the middle of the fire, You are standing with us.”  This refrain has particular relevance: “In the midst of my darkest hour, Holy Spirit come show your power.  In the middle of the fire, You are faithful Jesus.” 

To hear these words makes my mind go to two of the most difficult episodes of my entire life, each absolutely shattering, and each occurred in the past 18 months or so.  I bring it up today for two reasons.  Number one: the older I get, the more I see that life is a precious gift, but it is also filled with difficulties and pain.  The Bible says, “Yet man is born for trouble as surely as sparks fly upward” (Job 5:7).  Number two: I echo the sentiment from the song: in the midst of my darkest hours, God has been faithful.  I could go on and on detailing various episodes in my life, and no matter what has come upon me, I can enthusiastically testify to you that God has been faithful.

Incidentally, the Lord has been faithful to me and, far too often, I have been anything but faithful to Him.  But in those moments, God doesn’t angrily chide me, and tell me to stand in the corner until I think about what I’ve done for a while.  He welcomes me back with open arms.  In Psalm 3, the Psalmist calls God “the lifter of my head.”  I love Acts 3:19: “Repent, then, and turn to God…that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.  Years ago, in a college paper, I likened God to a patient coach, who views the tape of episodes in my life, like a coach watches game footage. With His arm around me, He patiently says, “That’s not so good here, Kevin.  But don’t dwell on it; let’s move forward.  It’s on to the next series.  I’ll work with you, we’ll clean that up, and you’ll get there.”

In conclusion, I was recently listening to a talk by Billy Graham, a hero of mine; I look forward to thanking him for introducing me to the Lord in Heaven.  He shares in that talk that someone had asked him what was a big surprise in his life, his answer: the brevity of life.  I can relate with that.  Somehow here I am in my forties.  Time is fleeting; life moves so fast.  Therefore, I would say please don’t delay in making important spiritual decisions.  “Turn to me and be saved…for I am God, and there is no other” (Isaiah 45:22).  Or perhaps Joel 2:13 is a word for someone: “Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate.”  If there’s one thing I know it is this: the most thrilling adventure imaginable is to live a life connected to the God of the universe, named Jesus.

God bless,

Kevin 

July reflections

After taking almost the entire month off (which I didn’t intend to do, but life happens), here I am again.  I’m ready to present more content.  You know that I have probably 3 or 4 pent up blogs in me, right?  But I’m going to reel it in as much as I can.  With that said, let me just dive in.

July seems to feel heavier than it used to.  It was in July that several notable losses occurred.  For example, it was in July, back in 2002, that one of the first shocking losses of my life occurred; our beloved pastor named Rick Ferguson passed away at age 46.  To this day, I still quote truths that Rick proclaimed.  For instance, he often said, “If we knew what God knows, we would want what God wants.”  I recite that statement, and they inspire me to choose God’s plan for me, no matter what. 

The biggest loss of my life was also in July.  9 years ago, my father ended up having his 'home-going' (if you will) to Heaven sooner than anyone anticipated; he was only 60.  I still miss my dad.  The Christmas in July programming doesn’t help.  Recently, I saw a Christmas film where an adult daughter was mourning the loss of her father who loved Christmas very much.  That storyline hit me hard, because my father loved Christmas a lot as well.

I would be remiss if I didn’t stop here and talk about how grateful I am for the truth of the Bible. One day I will see men like Pastor Rick again; I will see my Grandpa again – who passed back in 2008 – and I will have a wonderful reunion with my dad.  Because these men have a right relationship with God, through faith in Christ, as do I, one day I will see them again in Heaven.  I could write a whole blog about this, but to put it succinctly, I love 1 Thessalonians 4 where we are told that we are not to “grieve like the rest of men who have no hope” (verse 13).  There will be a glorious reunion in Heaven.  Verse 17 sums it up: “And so we will be with the Lord forever.”  Thanks be to God for this hope!

So, not only has July been an ordeal because of loved ones in Heaven now, but I confess to you that this July has been difficult because there are intense storms of life that I’m currently enduring.  Once again, I could go on and on, but in short, life can be very hard, and I have felt the stress of this reality.  In fact, not long ago, I was feeling overwrought.  The best way I can describe it is it felt like my knees were buckling under the weight of life’s challenges.  It was a powerful moment of worship when I was listening to Matt Redman’s classic song “Blessed be Your name”.  Frankly, for a time all I could do was just listen, that is, until a certain section of the song played; I sang aloud during this stanza: “You give and take away.  You give and take away.  My heart will choose to say, ‘Lord, blessed be Your name.’”  

Psalm 121:1-2 says, “I look up to the hills, but where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth” (NCV).  As I was putting this blog together, I read all of Psalm 121 to my mother, and I emphasized verses 1 and 2.  I did this to encourage and fortify us both, because these verses had been on my heart of late.  After the reading, my mom commented on how one might be feeling sad and discouraged, but even in the midst of this, how powerful it is when one chooses to recite and practice these verses.  How right she was!

God bless,

Kevin