Looking back on a difficult year

March of 2025 was the month that a horrendous saga began.  A loved one was in the hospital, then out, but that was just the beginning.  Months later, this loved one was subsequently back in the hospital again, and out again, and so the cycle repeated itself, even all the way into 2026.  I could go on and on with the highlights – or rather the lowlights – but let’s just say I’ve had enough trips to the hospital emergency room to last me the rest of my life.  This year has taught me many things, one of which is it’s easier to be the patient in the hospital, than to see someone you love lying in the hospital ER room. 

One year later, thankfully, the crazy chapter seems to have concluded.  However, I can declare to you that memories of this year can easily haunt me.  Did you know that Batman’s greatest villain, the Joker, once said a statement that I can relate to now?  In the controversial comic book “The killing joke”, Joker said, “Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes.”  Honestly, I hesitated sharing this.  But when I was in a restaurant a few days ago, waiting to pick up my lunch, a painful memory from this past year washed over me, for some reason.  It confirmed that I needed to share that quote.

At this point, it’s important to be reminded of the truth that is so vitally important: God is in control.  Nothing happened to me this year that was accidental.  I could quote several Bible verses here, but there is a powerful verse tucked away in Psalm 103.  Psalm 103:19 says, “The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.”  Robert and Nancy DeMoss Wolemuth, in their tremendous book “You can trust God to write your story” puts it this way:

“Where would be without the certain knowledge that “He’s got the whole world in His hands” and that every detail of our lives is ordained by our all-wise, all-knowing, loving God?  Far from being a crushing burden to be borne or diminishing our value, the Providence of God is a great and precious gift.  To be helpless victims of chance, tossed about on the storms of life – that would be forever disconcerting and tragic.  Thank God it is not the case.”  

In conclusion, I’ve previously described how, in the epic CW crossover event “Crisis on Infinite Earths”, Barry Allen A.K.A. The Flash from Earth 90 saved the day, by stepping up and sacrificing his life.  Just today, in preparation for this, I watched the clip of this moment again on YouTube; his selflessness inspired me afresh.  However, I’ve never shared how, a few minutes before his noble act of heroism, he said some words that are profound and relevant to today’s subject matter.

Barry said this: “Sometimes…you’ve got to take a couple steps back, reverse the way you see the situation, and see the bigger picture.”  He is on to something.  In my case, yes, difficult memories from this past year can hit me; it’s easy to just focus on the pain and suffering.  But when I “reverse the way” I see the situation, when I change my perspective, I find myself humbled and grateful for how God consistently showed up during this very difficult time.  In fact, I want to stop here and give God all the praise, worship and glory for being with me during those insane days.  Through it all, God experientially taught me the truth of Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.”

God bless,

Kevin

"Blessed be Your name; on the road marked with suffering"

Here’s an interesting scenario: what do you say, as your introduction, when you haven’t written anything in nearly 3 months?  Do you quickly assure that you are, in fact, alive and well, even though many have probably wondered?  By the way, if that’s you, God bless you for your concern; yes, I am alive.  I thought about being silly about it by quoting the opening lines of 2002’s "Spiderman".  To re-introduce myself, I considered citing those iconic words from the beginning, where Tobey Maguire says, “Who am I?  You sure you want to know?  The story of my life is not for the faint of heart.”  ‘I’m Kevin Bauer,’ I might have said.  ‘I am storm-tossed, and probably not even the same man I was before; at this point, I’m a little older and wiser, but I am Kevin Bauer.’

Regardless of the introduction, I shake my head in amazement at the unexpected chapter that I have been in for a year now.  Matt Redman, in his classic song “Blessed be Your Name” puts it better than I ever could; “Blessed be Your name; on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name.”  Later on, he sings this to the Lord: “You give and take away.  You give and take away.  My heart will choose to say, ‘Lord, blessed be Your name.’”

I imagined what I would say if you and I were able to sit down over a cup of coffee or something.  At some point in our conversation, as we were able to get caught up, I would bring up Jesus’ words in Matthew 7.  In verses 24-27 of Matthew 7, Jesus mentions two houses.  In both cases, Jesus says, “the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew” (verses 25 and 27).  Note with me that the storms hit either house.  In another place, Jesus said “it rains on the just and the unjust”.  The storms of life will inevitably hit.  But Jesus says that only one house stands; the one “founded on the rock” (Matthew 7:25).  Maybe at this point in our conversation I would declare that I have been storm-tossed, the winds and the floods have been pounding on my house; but, glory to God, the house is still standing, because Christ is my foundation, my rock.

At this point, I need to reiterate what I stated briefly after the “Spider-Man” quote earlier.  This chapter in my life has changed me; in many ways, I don’t feel like I’m the same person that I was a year ago.  I’m not sitting here claiming to be some perfect little angel.  No, in fact, God has used this season of my life to show me things about myself that needed to change – but that’s a whole other blog entirely.  The point is, as the Psalmist put it in Psalm 119: “It is good for me that I’ve been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes” (verse 71).

God bless,

Kevin

2025: The year I will never forget

Whenever we reach this time of year, I find myself reflective.  I contemplate the highs of the lows of the year.  This year has been dark and challenging, but I find myself so grateful to God for His presence and faithfulness, no matter what.  I’m reminded of a sermon I heard where the preacher spoke of a man in the church who was in the hospital waiting room, his wife was sick.  This pastor went to the hospital, attempting to encourage the man.  After a time of silence, the man spoke up and said to his pastor, “You know, this faith thing is pretty cool, until you have to use it.”  How true.

Back in March, attempting to help someone, I wrote the phrase ‘it’s always darkest before the dawn.’  While that’s true, 2025 has taught me that sometimes you can wait for a very, very long time before you see that light of dawn.  I’ve seen firsthand how long and how dark the night can be, I mean this both literally and figuratively.  I’ve been in lonely hospital waiting rooms, wondering what the coming days would hold.  I found myself in the chapel of the hospital, praying to God for Him to help and heal.

Thankfully, the Lord did heal; the one who was sick in the hospital was healed. However, this was not always a certainty.  But do you want to know what I’ve discovered in the midst of all of the uncertainty?  I discovered when you are at the lowest, the bottom rung, when the bottom drops out, and you have no one to turn to but the Lord, He is enough.  He is forever faithful.  Proverbs 18:24 states, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (ESV).  Some interpret that to mean that Jesus Himself is the One who sticks closer than any friend or brother; I can vouch for that. 

In the midst of the craziness of this year, I learned that Netflix was removing the TV show “Arrow” from its programming.  This is because the show has been off the air since 2020 (how times flies!); they structured it to drop off Netflix 5 years after the finale.  This is fair enough, but I was still sad to see this happen.  So I binged-watched portions of the show, until it was removed; which occurred back on December 18th, I think it was.  Not only did the example of protagonist of the show, Oliver Queen (Stephen Amell) inspire a group of heroes in that universe, but I confess he inspired me as well.  Therefore, Oliver’s words, at the end of an epic crossover, are a fitting way to conclude today:

Oliver Queen and Barry Allen (A.K.A. The Flash) celebrate their victory, defying impossible odds to do so.  Barry, as usual, wants to hug it out, but Oliver refuses and instead submits this toast.  “To appreciating what you have,” he says, “for however long you might have it.”  In the context of the finality of “Arrow” being removed from Netflix, this was an emotional line to hear again.  However, more importantly, Oliver’s words reinforced an important lesson that 2025 has taught me: treasure every day with family and friends for the gift that it truly is.  Because the old adage is true, ‘you never know what you have, until it’s gone.’ 

God bless,

Kevin

"A very special Christmas for me"

Hello old friend!  Here I am again writing after another much too long hiatus.  As has been my current pattern of late, I’m checking in again after a few months to confirm that I am, in fact, still alive.  “Where have you been, Kevin?”  You may be asking.  “Why have you barely written anything these months?”  Well, because, to put it bluntly, 2025 has been one of the worst years of my life.  For today, I want to say something about this year’s Christmas celebration against the backdrop of one of the most unexpected years of intense suffering I have ever faced.

Christmas has historically always been a special time for me.  It truly is, as the angel said to those shepherds in Luke 2, “good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.  For there is born to you this day in the city of David, a Savior who is Christ the Lord” (verses 10-11).  Amen and amen!  But, to quote from Donny Hathaway’s 1970 song “This Christmas”: “This Christmas will be a very special Christmas for me.”  Oh yes, it’s true, the Christmas celebration for 2025 truly is a very special Christmas.  Why?  Because as Truman Burbank in the movie, “The Truman Show” (one of Jim Carrey’s great acting performances, in my opinion) put it, “Life is fragile.”   

If this year has taught me anything, it is to treasure the immense blessing of the people in your life.  It’s a sobering reality that your best friend, spouse, family member, etc. can be in good health one day, but the next day, you’re shocked because they are in a hospital emergency room.  So you find yourself in that lonely waiting room, wondering what your world will look like when it’s all said and done; after all, it could be that your loved one may not be in it anymore.  You say, “Kevin is back, and he is in rare form.  This is intense stuff.”  You are not wrong.  But Truman was absolutely right, “Life is fragile.” 

Therefore, because there finally appears to be a season of calm on the horizon, I can finally breathe.  The surprise calls to drive to the hospital in the middle of the night have ceased.  I rejoice because this is a wonderful time of the year.  Believe me, I anticipate and celebrate the birth of Jesus.  He is the One who came to give His life for us on a cross, out of selfless love.  This fact, coupled with knowing a loved one remains in the land of the living, leaves me feeling grateful.  Thus, once again, this Christmas will be, to quote Hathaway again, “a very special Christmas for me.”

God bless,

Kevin

Considering Back to the Future Day

Fun fact: Did you know that October 21st is known as “Back to the Future Day”?  This is because in the film “Back to the Future: Part II” Marty McFly (played by Michael J. Fox) and Dr. Emmett Brown (the inventor of the famous DeLorean vehicle that makes time travel possible; played by Christopher Lloyd) travel from the year 1985 to the year 2015; specifically October 21, 2015.  While I am not a big science fiction fan, I do enjoy a good story.  I think one of the reasons this particular story resonates with me – and many, many others – is because it reinforces that a single decision can forever change the trajectory of a life.  If time travel were a thing, wouldn’t we go back and fix it so that we undo that one choice we shouldn’t have made?

Ten years ago, it was the 30th anniversary of the first “Back to the Future” film.  Furthermore, it was very the day that Marty travelled to; October the 21st, 2015.  The 2015 presented in the film and the real 2015 is interesting and you can find lots of content online, so I want to skip all that today.  Because I want to narrow this down.  I have in my possession the journal that was given to me as a gift, to help me document my grief over losing my dad unexpectedly back in 2015.  When October of 2015 rolled around, it had only been a few months since Dad passed away.  I even mentioned “Back to the Future Day” in that blog entry, and how only God would’ve known what I would be living that day.  To sum it up, I was in the middle of a crisis.

Flash forward to today, the 40th anniversary of the first “Back to the Future” film, and a decade of life after 2015, that famous date in October.  Do you want to know the irony that I never would have envisioned?  Just like 10 years ago, I am in the midst of a crisis.  Obviously, I haven’t written a lot of blog content in 2025.  My last writing was six weeks ago, back on 9/7.  In 2021, I wrote 30 blogs, an all-time low for output, and it’s looking like I will be breaking that record this year.

You say, “What’s been going on?”  I simply cannot get into it right now.  It’s too fresh and new.  One day I hope to, but as I said, it is sufficient to say that I am in another crisis; one of the hardest in my life, I would say.  In fact, just as I did back in 2015, I would ask for prayer for myself and my family – if you are a praying person.  If you are a fan of the “Back to the Future” films, you know that one of the expressions that Marty McFly would say in response to a situation, to the confusion of Doc Brown, is “this is heavy”.  Somebody may thinking that as you read today.  I know this subject is heavy, but I’m being just being honest and real with you.    

The song “Fires” by Jordan St. Cyr has been a big blessing since its released in 2022.  Here’s a snippet that is like a lifeline for me right now: “You’ve walked me through fires, pulled me from flames, if You’re in this with me, I won’t be afraid.  When the smoke billows higher, oh and higher, and it feels like I can barely breath, I’ll walk through these fires, ‘cause You’re walking with me.”  Some may find this preachy, but I don’t really care, I’m going to say it: the only thing that has sustained me during all of this is my relationship with the Lord.

Let me conclude with this: Jordan St. Cyr speaks of the story behind his song “Fires”; I have included the link here.  He shares, “In November of 2018, my youngest daughter, Emery was born with an incredibly rare and severe brain condition.  And while this journey has not been easy, and we are left with so many questions than we have answers, we know more than ever that God is with us, and He always will be.  He has made us stronger, and He has grown our faith in ways that we never thought was possible.  He’s taken the hardest parts of our story to refine our hearts and draw us closer to Him.”

God bless,

Kevin

Lessons learned (Part 2 - Refining)

Several months after I first began this blog, I wrote about the storms of life in this blog (it was on September 13, 2011 to be exact).  I called it “God is our refuge”; a phrase taken from Psalm 46:1, which reads, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”  This is a precious truth from God’s Word!  By the way, just so you know in case you were wondering: the Kevin of 2011 did know about storms.  It’s not as if I were unfamiliar with pain and suffering.  However, that said, there were incredibly shocking episodes that would come in subsequent years.

My father’s passing in 2015, for example, was an excruciatingly painful storm that changed my life forever; I certainly rejoice that he has been in Heaven for 10 years, but oh, how I miss him!  Another example is the year 2023.  This was actually one of the hardest years of my life; not just physically – as I brought up in broad strokes last time – but other episodes occurred that year that deeply injured me emotionally as well.  Finally, I have to admit that this year has also been challenging and stormy as well.   

Back to that blog from 14 years ago.  I brought up a creative video game level design from the game “Donkey Kong Country Returns” (released in the year 2010).  Incidentally, I love this video game, but I have to say I watched some highlights of it again on YouTube, and I marvel at the patience I possessed back then!  This game has some massively difficult – not to mention crazy stressful – levels in it.  How did I ever defeat that game?  Anyway, level 2-7 “Tidal Terror” is the level I cited in 2011.  Throughout the stage, massive tidal waves from the background come crashing into the foreground on Donkey Kong, and his companion Diddy Kong.  If they don’t take shelter, they die.  I used that as an illustration for the storms that hit us in life.  I want to share how I phrased it that day, because it helped me, all these years later, reading it again:

"The storms of life will come at us sooner or later – Jesus said in this world you will have trouble (John 16:33).  We have to run and take refuge somewhere.  The Psalmist [in Psalm 46:1] declares to us to take refuge in God.  What does it even mean to take refuge in God?  I think it simply means that He is the one that we run to for help and comfort.  For instance, when faced with trials some people want to run to things like sex, food, alcohol, or drugs.  These things are not legitimate places of safety and refuge; they will eventually disappoint us.  God is the one that we should run to in the storms of life.  He will not let us down.  He is, after all, “a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1)."

In the 90s, I vividly recall singing – along with a group of other students on Wednesday nights – the song “Refiner’s Fire” written by Brian Doerksen.  It begins with these words:

“Purify my heart; let me be as gold and precious silver.  Purify my heart; let me be as gold, pure gold.  [Chorus] Refiner’s fire, my heart’s one desire is to be holy, set apart for You, Lord.  I choose to be holy.  Set apart for You, my Master.  Ready to do Your will.”

I confess I probably didn’t fully understand what I was singing in the 1990s.  But I get it now!  The Bible says, “These [trials] have come so that the genuineness of your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may result in praise, honor, and glory when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Peter 1:7; italics added for emphasis).  When I think about the fiery trials I have endured, whether in years passed or as recently as these past few months, I see that God has used them to refine my character.

One resource puts it this way: “To conclude, there is a similarity between gold and genuine faith.  For gold to become pure, it is heated to remove impurities.  Similarly, our faith is shown to be genuine when we go through the “fire” of trials.  The apostle Paul agrees, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” (Romans 5:3-4).  Suffering is hard, but it is a comfort to know that our suffering is not in vain.  Rather, in suffering God continues to sanctify us, so our faith will become more like purified gold.”

(Source: https://www.gotquestions.org/more-precious-than-gold.html)

Kevin

A timely reminder

Last time, I introduced that I was going to have a series of blogs on things I’ve learned after some time away.  While I am certainly anxious to continue down that road, I want to put a pause on that, because today I am remembering – and celebrating – an event that happened on this day, two years ago.  Back in September of 2023, I went to a hospital emergency room; for three days, I was in that hospital.  I could go on and on describing the various details, but the bottom line is I was very sick, and not all that far from death’s door.  However, on 9/3/23, it was determined that I was able to leave the hospital, and finally return home!  What bliss washes over me, even now as I contemplate all this again, how exquisite it would be to sleep in my own bed again! 

I can’t recall if I ever shared this story in this blog before, but even if I did it is worth repeating.  Back in June, I brought up that the film “Batman Begins” was turning 20 years old (I’m still not sure how that is even possible; times flies).  I mentioned that this film has a very special place in my heart; and it does for many reasons.  However, one reason has nothing to do with the actual movie itself; it is because, two years ago today, as I was rejoicing in that hospital room that I was able to go home, the film that was playing on TV was “Batman Begins”.  I was praising God that He had used so many in the medical profession to save my life.  Like Bruce Wayne’s journey was continuing, so was mine.

There are certain milestones in my life that annually I celebrate; these events highlight the gift of life.  For instance, every April 24th, I celebrate that God, as a baby, healed me from a horrible disease that either murders its host, or leaves them a vegetable for the rest of their lives.  On April 24, 1982, God gloriously and miraculously chose to heal me from that disease.  Now I have another milestone event to celebrate: two years ago, the Lord chose to heal through the gifts of talented doctors and nurses.  I will forever be grateful.  The Bible says, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were in your book before one of them came to be.”  It is a joy to consider how God has chosen to give me life to this moment in September of 2025.

In conclusion, let me answer the question of 'so what?'  Why bring all this up today?  As I once heard a preacher declare, looking back at what God has done in the past is a reminder of His faithfulness.  Lamentations 3 puts it this way: “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  We tend to forget how God has shown up in the past.  I know this is true for me.  Most of 2025 feels like it’s been continuous stormy weather, and it’s easy to feel shaken.  Nevertheless, when I look back at everything the Lord has done in my life it serves as a timely reminder; it reinvigorates and reenergizes me.  When I look back at the storm of September 2023, and how God got me through that, it reminds me that He was faithful to me then, He will be faithful to me now, and He will be faithful in the coming days.

Kevin