Grieving the loss of life in Boulder

There are moments in life when an event hits you so hard that time seems to stop.  All you are left with are feelings of disbelief, shock, and helplessness.  This happened to me again recently.  I’m referring to a horrible event last week; there was a shooting at a King Soopers in Boulder, Colorado.  10 people lost their lives.  I want to wish my sympathy to the families and friends who have been thrust into a dark season of pain, suffering, and grief. 

As I said, this news has hit me very hard emotionally.  I don’t live in Boulder, but I do live in Colorado.  Actually, Boulder isn’t all that far from my stomping grounds.   The close proximity was one aspect that shook me up, but another thing is the venue.  I am a frequent shopper at King Soopers.  How often have I gone into a King Soopers just to get a few things?  It goes to show that one cannot take a day for granted, because life is fragile.

King Soopers all throughout Colorado have set up beautiful memorial tables to honor the victims.  At one of them, there was a place for people to write a few words.  I took the time to record my perspective.  I wrote this: ‘To lose someone you love to death is to walk around with a hole in your heart.  I know this firsthand.  I pray God’s comfort, peace, and healing for those plunged into grief.’

Kevin

Lessons learned this year (part 2)

This past year has been memorable.  Of course, there’s been trying to navigate in a covid world, but – as challenging as this has been – it’s certainly not just that.  For instance, I’ve mentioned my prolonged upper respiratory sickness and subsequent intense pain that persists to this day.  I’ve never endured such an unusual episode. 

Furthermore, I’ve been contemplating my life and legacy.  I have been doing this for several reasons: 1) because I am just a few months away from my 40th birthday.  2) I recently just about got into a car wreck.  It is miraculous to me how the car that swerved into my lane somehow didn’t hit me!  There was no damage whatsoever – unless you want to mention the affect it had on my emotions.  It was a visceral reminder that life is fragile and precious.

So, after that introduction, what is the lesson I learned that I want to convey today?  Well, once again, as I have been reflecting on the brevity of life; I’ve been thinking about a hero of mine.  I’m referring to a pastor named Rick Ferguson.  Rick passed away in 2002, at the young age of 46, but he left an amazing legacy for God.  Pastor Rick said this on more than one occasion:

“If we knew what God knows, we would always want what God wants.”

The older I get, the more I see the wisdom of these words.  To begin, God knows things that we don’t know, and will never know.  Romans 11:33 says, “Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!”  God is love but He’s also all-knowing, perfect, and holy.  Yet sometimes I am tempted to think that I actually know better than God.  What foolishness!  My limited knowledge and perspective isn’t a reliable gauge.

I love the book “You can trust God to write your story” by Robert and Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth.  In chapter 1 of the book, they write, “Perspective makes all the difference.  God sees the beginning and the end and everything in between; we only see this present moment...He has a wide-angle lens and sees the whole mural He is painting in all of history.  We only see the little speck of time and space we occupy at this moment.”  Amen and amen!  Therefore, I can trust God with the details of my life, with the confidence that He knows best.

In conclusion, it is coming up on twenty years since Pastor Rick Ferguson unexpectedly passed away.  It was one of the first times in my life where I tasted the bitter pill of losing someone you love.  But his life and legacy inspires me even now.  Because he wasn’t just talking the talk, he was living it.  I could go on and on, but for today, I remember his maxim: “If we knew what God knows, we would always want what God wants.”  This year has been a hard year.  But I resolve yet again to put my trust in God, knowing that His way is the best way.

Kevin

Lessons learned this year (part 1)

If we learned anything from 2020, it is that we can be going along our way, and suddenly without warning, hardships, suffering, and pain can hit us.  This was certainly the case for me as well.  No, I didn’t get covid-19, but I did have a bad upper respiratory illness that sidelined me for a considerable amount of time.  The remnants of this ailment bled into 2021.  In fact, even as I write these words, I still have lingering pain. 

Furthermore, it was on 3/16/20, when the Chick-fil-A store that I work for closed on the inside.  It has been strange to work in this new paradigm of drive-through orders only.  As it has been almost a year, I wanted to take some time to present a few lessons I have learned since last March.

#1: Fear not

This is a big one.  I’ve learned that fear, anxiety, and worry can grip my heart and make me act in a way that isn’t consistent with who I really am.  As I was putting all of this together, I saw an example of someone living in fear.  Even though it was a fictional character, it was plausible and helpful for me to watch it.  So I wanted to share it with you today.

In the 3rd season of the fine animated TV show “Ultimate Spider-Man”, our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man chases his arch-enemy, the Green Goblin, across parallel universes.  It’s such an epic saga it takes 4 parts for the story to be told in full.  In one of the installments, Spidey comes across a Spider-Man – known as Spider-Man Noir – who has pushed everyone he ever loved away.  This turned him into a hardened, but equally lonely man.  Why did he do this?  He did it out of the intense fear that someone would get hurt or killed.  Ultimate Spider-Man implores Spider-Man Noir to let others in because he will be the better for it.  And in the end, Noir does so, and he thanks his counterpart for his influence and help.  

The quote that grabbed my attention was when the Mary Jane Watson of that universe asked Spider-Man Noir why he pushed her away in the first place.  After he explained his reasoning, she answered: “You can’t live in fear of what might happen.”  It’s so true.  Yet how often are we – how often am I – guilty of the very same thing?  We fear rejection, being alone, loss of health, death, and whatever else you want to put in this sentence.

The only way to live a life without agonizing fear is to turn these issues over to a trustworthy God.  This is a lesson I’ve learned this year, and I continue to remind myself of it every day.  Trust and irrational fear can’t coexist in a heart.  The Bible encourages the child of God not to be anxious, but rather to present these concerns to God in prayer, and when this is done, His peace will come rushing in (Philippians 4:6-7).  I’ve experienced this phenomenon in my own life.  But it’s a daily battle to remind myself to turn to my faithful Heavenly Father, and not worry about the “what ifs”.

I’m still mourning the death of Christian singer Carman Licciardello, best known as just Carman.  What a voice for the Lord!  In his album called “The Champion” there is a song that has become an anthem for me.  It is titled “Fear Not My Child.”  In the chorus, it is presented as if God Himself sings these words: “Fear not, my child.  I’m with you always.  I feel every pain; and every tear I see.  Fear not, my child.  I’m with you always.  I know how to care for what belongs to me.”  

To conclude, let me confess that today’s blog took a different shape than I originally envisioned.  I didn’t intend to camp out on the subject of fear, but it is such an issue that is of massive importance in the world today; I trust that this is the form that God wanted it to take.  I pray He uses these words for His glory and our good.

Kevin