A very special September 12th

Once upon a time, I bought a shirt for my father as a gift that says, “Dad not all heroes wear capes”.  I held on to that shirt all these years, for sentimental reasons, and I still look at it from time to time.  I’m bringing it up now because today is my dad’s birthday; he would have been 70 years of age.  Of all the things I could say about my dad right now, I stand by the caption on that shirt: my dad was a hero who didn’t wear a cape.  This is not inappropriate hero worship here; my dad was not perfect because no father is.  But Dad lived his life with gentleness, integrity, valor, and character.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The purpose of life is not to be happy.  It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”  That captures my dad so well.  He was honorable, compassionate, a difference maker, who lived well to the very end of his life.  I want those terms to define my life as well, as I run “with perseverance the race marked out for [me]” (Hebrews 12:1).  The very next verse speaks of fixing our eyes on Jesus.  I’m learning – even to this very hour – I can’t fix my eyes on my pastor, parents, or my past, but on my Savior.  However, that said, I’m encouraged and fortified by contemplating my dad’s example too. 

Today was special, but it was also bittersweet.  I miss my dad.  I still think of his faithfulness, his strength, his self-discipline, and of course, his amazing sense of humor that no one could ever duplicate.  Dad’s unexpected passing changed my life, because part of my life now is to take care of my mother.  James 1:27 speaks of looking after widows in their distress; I want to follow this Bible verse as this is an important concept, but also because – as I was recently telling some people at an event at church – my father absolutely adored my mother, and I know he would be pleased to know that I am looking after her.

In closing, I’m so grateful for the assurance that the grave is not the end for the believer in Christ.  There is an existence after death.  The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5 “absent from the body…present with the Lord.”  I miss my dad, but to think of him in the wondrous bliss of Heaven comforts my heart.  I mean, consider this: my dad, on those streets made of gold, finds himself alongside men like Billy Graham, Luis Palau, Jim Elliot, Truett Cathy, Charles Stanley, Adrian Rogers, beloved Christian singer Carman (and on and on I could go).  There is hope in this; not a wishful thinking kind of hope like we use it in English (“I hope it doesn’t rain”), but rather a determined certainty of coming good.  

God bless,

Kevin

"Scars are tattoos with better stories"

I was originally going to call today’s blog Hello September, until I went in another direction.  I intended to call it that because it is now officially a year ago that I returned home from the emergency room.  As I began mentally putting this blog together, I saw someone with a shirt that had these words: “Scars are tattoos with better stories.”  Amen to that!  What is a scar after all?  It’s a wound that has been healed.  To be transparent with you, even though I like the sentiment of that shirt, I wonder if what I endured a year ago, psychologically speaking, is a scar yet.  I wonder about this for a few reasons. 

First off, because sometimes I have what I call memory flashes of my time in that hospital and the aftermath.  Inwardly, I still wince whenever I see a character from a movie or TV show in a hospital; I know firsthand how traumatic it is for the patient and their loved ones to be in that stressful environment.  Or for another example, every time I drive on a certain road, my mind goes to my brother driving me home on that very same road last year, feeling so grateful to be alive, and to be out of that ER.  The emotional healing continues.

Another element of this whole idea of a wound healing to become a scar arose just last week.  On Friday (8/30), it was a normal work day, when out of the blue, I began to feel symptoms like I’ve never felt before in my life.  I began feeling dizzy and off-balance with every step (I’ve never been drunk, but I imagine that’s what it must feel like).  I promptly left work.  What ensued was vomiting 6 or 7 times, and being so fatigued that I basically slept from 3 in the afternoon to 12 Midnight.  The next day I was feeling better, as if nothing had been wrong.  I still have no explanation as to what happened; my best guess is a severe allergic reaction, or perhaps a 24-hour bug.  Ultimately, however, it doesn’t even really matter to me what it was.

I share all of that vulnerably with you to say this: I have my struggles.  I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  This year, for instance, anxiety can easily take over and convince me that I will soon be back in the ER again.  Whether it is the aftermath of trying to process what happened on Friday, or any other sickness I’ve had since last September; or even just to have some random pain in my stomach that amounts to nothing, it’s easy to spiral down a path of uncertainty, lack of trust in God, and fear.  I’m just being real with you.  But the Bible instructs me to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). 

Therefore, I have cited various Bible verses to combat the anxiety and fear.  I have quoted Psalm 31:15 where the Psalmist affirms to the Lord, “My times are in your hands.”  Or Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”  Or even the beginning words from the ever-popular Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd.”  I can testify to the absolute truth of Psalm 91:1-2: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.””

In conclusion, in 2018, the group “I Am They” released a song titled “Scars”.  I love this song; and I hear its truth, as it were, with new ears: “Waking up to a new sunrise, looking back from the other side; I can see now with open eyes.  Darkest waters and deepest pain, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  ‘Cause my brokenness brought me to You, and these wounds are a story You’ll use.  So I’m thankful for the scars ‘cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart; and I know they’ll always tell of who You are.  So forever I am thankful for the scars.  Now I’m standing in Your confidence, with the strength of Your faithfulness, and I’m not who I was before.  No, I don’t have to fear anymore.”

God bless,

Kevin