"Scars are tattoos with better stories"

I was originally going to call today’s blog Hello September, until I went in another direction.  I intended to call it that because it is now officially a year ago that I returned home from the emergency room.  As I began mentally putting this blog together, I saw someone with a shirt that had these words: “Scars are tattoos with better stories.”  Amen to that!  What is a scar after all?  It’s a wound that has been healed.  To be transparent with you, even though I like the sentiment of that shirt, I wonder if what I endured a year ago, psychologically speaking, is a scar yet.  I wonder about this for a few reasons. 

First off, because sometimes I have what I call memory flashes of my time in that hospital and the aftermath.  Inwardly, I still wince whenever I see a character from a movie or TV show in a hospital; I know firsthand how traumatic it is for the patient and their loved ones to be in that stressful environment.  Or for another example, every time I drive on a certain road, my mind goes to my brother driving me home on that very same road last year, feeling so grateful to be alive, and to be out of that ER.  The emotional healing continues.

Another element of this whole idea of a wound healing to become a scar arose just last week.  On Friday (8/30), it was a normal work day, when out of the blue, I began to feel symptoms like I’ve never felt before in my life.  I began feeling dizzy and off-balance with every step (I’ve never been drunk, but I imagine that’s what it must feel like).  I promptly left work.  What ensued was vomiting 6 or 7 times, and being so fatigued that I basically slept from 3 in the afternoon to 12 Midnight.  The next day I was feeling better, as if nothing had been wrong.  I still have no explanation as to what happened; my best guess is a severe allergic reaction, or perhaps a 24-hour bug.  Ultimately, however, it doesn’t even really matter to me what it was.

I share all of that vulnerably with you to say this: I have my struggles.  I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  This year, for instance, anxiety can easily take over and convince me that I will soon be back in the ER again.  Whether it is the aftermath of trying to process what happened on Friday, or any other sickness I’ve had since last September; or even just to have some random pain in my stomach that amounts to nothing, it’s easy to spiral down a path of uncertainty, lack of trust in God, and fear.  I’m just being real with you.  But the Bible instructs me to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). 

Therefore, I have cited various Bible verses to combat the anxiety and fear.  I have quoted Psalm 31:15 where the Psalmist affirms to the Lord, “My times are in your hands.”  Or Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”  Or even the beginning words from the ever-popular Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd.”  I can testify to the absolute truth of Psalm 91:1-2: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.””

In conclusion, in 2018, the group “I Am They” released a song titled “Scars”.  I love this song; and I hear its truth, as it were, with new ears: “Waking up to a new sunrise, looking back from the other side; I can see now with open eyes.  Darkest waters and deepest pain, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  ‘Cause my brokenness brought me to You, and these wounds are a story You’ll use.  So I’m thankful for the scars ‘cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart; and I know they’ll always tell of who You are.  So forever I am thankful for the scars.  Now I’m standing in Your confidence, with the strength of Your faithfulness, and I’m not who I was before.  No, I don’t have to fear anymore.”

God bless,

Kevin