My list of worst superhero movies

It’s an undeniable fact that sometimes a superhero movie is just bad.  Today I want to present my list of worst superhero movies ever made.  Let me preface this by saying that for the following to have the (dis)honor of making this list, it has to be a movie that I personally have viewed.  Furthermore, please note that this list is my list; feel free to disagree with it if you want; it’s just my personal opinion.  So here it is.

#5: Green Lantern (2011)

I actually went into this one with high hopes, but I was quickly disappointed.  Where to begin?  There are numerous characters in this film that are physically grotesque and very unpleasant to look at.  Both the villains and many of the good guys as well.  Plus the character of Hal Jordan (Green Lantern's alter ego) is poorly written and inconsistent with the valor that Hal actually possesses. 

The biggest problem I had is the laughingly bad Green Lantern costume; more specifically his eyes.  When he is in costume and wearing his mask (mercifully, half the time he doesn’t wear his mask) Green Lantern’s eyes are a different color; they are light blue.  And it is so noticeable that it distracts the viewer.  For instance, at one point, Green Lantern has saved the day, and his love interest is looking lovingly into his eyes.  But his eyes look so goofy and unnatural with his mask on that I actually found myself laughing when it was supposed to be a tender scene between the two.

#4: Steel (1997)

Steel was an attempt to put one of Superman’s allies onto the big screen.  I like the character of Steel; the problem with this movie was they cast Shaquille O’Neal as Steel.  Shaquille was a good basketball player, but not the best actor.  Furthermore, the dialogue seemed to repeatedly remind the audience that Shaquille O’Neal was playing Steel.  For instance, at one point Steel jokes about how he can’t make free throws.  We get it already: Shaquille O’Neal is playing Steel.

#3: Catwoman (2004)

There’s so much wrong with this movie.  To begin, the title character is not Selina Kyle, it’s a random character named Patience Phillips.  There’s no mention of Batman, Gotham City, or how Catwoman is supposed to be a character that vacillates between being good sometimes and evil at other times.  Instead it’s just a new character that is supposedly a part of a long line of Catwomen (really?).  In short, this is a standalone Catwoman movie stripped of everything that makes the Catwoman character intriguing.  The less said about that ridiculous Catwoman costume the better.

#2: Batman and Robin (1997)

This movie is regarded by many as the worst superhero movie ever made.  While I think there's a superhero film worse than this one, "Batman and Robin" is certainly the worst Batman movie ever made.  The numerous bad ice puns; the farfetched plot points; the odd casting choices (George Clooney as Batman?  Alicia Silverstone as Barbara/Batgirl?).  But I have to state that the biggest gripe I have is what this movie did to these characters.

For example, Bane, one of the greatest Batman villains, is downgraded to a brainless thug who can’t even speak in a complete sentence.  Robin is relegated to a hotheaded jerk who argues with Batman for most of the film.  At one point, he angrily screams at Batman just because he wasn’t allowed to try to make a dangerous jump with his motorcycle.  Or how about when Batman sees Batgirl for the first time?  He asks, “And you are?”  “Batgirl,” she answers.  “That’s not awfully P.C. what about Bat-woman or Bat-person?”  No matter how campy the genre, Batman would never actually say that in a million years.

Before I get to my number one, let me list a few honorable mentions. 

Superman 4: The Quest for Peace (1987)

This is the one that murdered the Superman movie franchise for decades.  This is a film that you actually enjoy when you are a younger person, but then as you get older you see more and more just how terrible the whole film really was.  That said, even as a small boy, I wondered if Nuclear Man (one of the main villains in the film) really had nails that, upon scratching Superman, actually brings the Man of Steel to the brink of death, so much so that Superman has to use a final piece of green crystal from Krypton to restore his health and powers (which really doesn’t make sense), why wouldn’t he just use them again and try to scratch Superman a second time?  Yet he doesn’t.

Hulk (2003)

It's difficult to make a good Hulk movie.  Actor Eric Bana (Bruce Banner/the Hulk) and Director Ang Lee tried their hand at one, and they weren’t successful.  For one thing, there was way too much focus on Bruce Banner’s childhood.  It seemed like half the movie was just a glorified Bruce Banner psychiatric visit.  Plus, I found Nick Nolte’s character really annoying.  Furthermore, the final battle ended in a way that was anything but spectacular.  This one failed so resoundingly that there was quickly a reboot to the franchise, ushering in Ed Norton’s Hulk film.

And now, without further ado, here is (in my opinion) the worst superhero movie...

#1: Elektra (2005)

For those that don't know "Elektra" was a spinoff of the 2003 movie “Daredevil”.  Jennifer Garner gave a memorable performance as Elektra (Matt Murdock/Daredevil’s love interest) in that flick, so someone had the idea to give Garner her own movie where she reprises her role.  While I personally don’t think that the film “Daredevil” is nearly as bad as many suggest, it looks like a flawless masterpiece when compared to “Elektra”.  This is a real shame because I'm a Jennifer Garner fan, and even she couldn't save this one.

Really I could just go on and on enumerating how bad this film is.  The overall pace is slow and boring; the characters are forgettable; one of the main villains is defeated in an extremely implausible way (defying the laws of gravity to do it); and there are no references to Elektra’s relationship with Daredevil (did he really mean that little to her?).  

But the most irritating aspect of this film is that it was too much in Elektra’s head.  Take this bizarre scene for an example: Elektra has resolved to protect a father and her daughter; assassins are closing in to kill them, and Elektra knows this.  So she stops and closes her eyes, apparently to help her focus for the impending task.  The villains subsequently break in and quickly shoot Elektra, and then they murder the daughter.  But then we suddenly cut back to that same shot of Elektra’s closed eyes.  Evidently, that whole scene was all in her head.  Why she chose to imagine the worst case scenario before fighting is beyond me.

Furthermore, the film gives us numerous flashbacks from Elektra’s mysterious past, both while she sleeps at night and when she is awake.  The problem is they are so random that they stop holding your interest after a while; they actually became a distracting nuisance to me.  It is for these reasons (and many others that I chose not to get into) that puts “Elektra” as my choice for the worst superhero movie ever made.

Kevin