Important words from a pen of the past

British Poet Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-1892) once wrote this famous quote: “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  I had heard this quote before, but it wasn’t until I lost my dad almost a year ago now (how times flies!) that I could vouch for its accuracy.  Yes, it certainly is better to love and to subsequently lose than to never love at all.

 

Someone will read these words and disagree with Tennyson.  You think it would just be better to live a life without having to face the possibility of losing love.  I would urge you to reconsider that view.  Let me explain. 

In preparation for this blog, I came across an interesting blog posted on psychology today.com by Jennifer Kunst, a clinical psychologist.  She writes, “How sad it would be to live our lives in a mode of self-protection that costs us some of the most precious experiences of life: to love and to be loved.  We exchange a life of fulfillment for a life of safety.  We exchange one kind of pain for another, the pain of love-and-loss for the pain for loneliness.  We must ask ourselves if this is a trade we are willing to make.”

She concludes with these words: “Love costs so much because it gives so much.  After all, if it didn’t give so much, we wouldn’t be in such pain when we lose it.  For me, that is a trade-off worth its weight in gold.”  I couldn’t agree more!  Here is the link, should you wish to read Kunst’s words in full: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201204/is-it-better-have-loved-and-lost-yes-yes-it-is  

If you take the time to study the life of Alfred Lord Tennyson, you will discover that Tennyson was familiar with grief and pain.  When a close friend of Tennyson's unexpectedly passed away at the young age of 22, it plunged him into grief.  He expressed this by writing.  Here are the lesser known words leading up to the famous quote: “I hold it true, whate’er befall; I feel it when I sorrow most; ‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

I have felt pain this year like I've never experienced before.  For example, right now, I find it difficult to go to the grocery store because there is so much Father’s Day material.  Honestly, I can’t wait for Father’s Day to be over.  Just today, I saw a Father’s Day card with a picture of Superman on it.  It said something to the effect that Dad was a hero without a cape.  Then you open the card up and it plays the iconic John Williams Superman theme.  It reminded me afresh that my dad is no longer with us.  All I have now is his selfless character (I stand by what I said at his service: he was a superhero); that will have to be enough.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"