2023 has been a difficult year for me. I’ve documented some of these lows; they were all legitimate heartaches. But I come to you now ready to describe the most recent heartache – perhaps you could even call it a nightmare that you can’t wake up from. I went to the doctor on September 1 because of lingering physical issues that I mentioned last time. After running a few tests, I returned home awaiting the results; soon after, the doctor called me and informed me that my hemoglobin was low. No, hemoglobin isn’t the name of a Spider-Man villain. I was told that this is a protein that carries oxygen to the organs of the body. My hemoglobin test was low, signifying anemia.
It was strongly encouraged that I go to the emergency
room. Not long after, I was having my
first IV, blood transfusion, and overnight stay in a hospital. I could go on and on, but in a nutshell, I
ended up staying three days in that emergency room! An ulcer on my small intestine, and internal
bleeding was also discovered. In short,
this was a scary, dire situation not only for myself, but for my loved ones too
– incidentally, they deserve a medal for the incredible compassion, love
and kindness that they extended to me.
Finally, I was able to go home again. Even though, I’m still regaining my full
strength, I’m out of the danger zone.
Now that I’ve had the chance to process everything I've just been
through, one of the things I marvel at is the fragility of God’s gift of
health. One day, you are going through
your everyday life, the next day you are speaking to medical professionals who all
comment on how pale you look (unusually pale complexion is a common side effect
of anemia).
In the past, I’ve spoken of Rebecca St. James’ latest musical project “Kingdom Come”. After this recent nightmarish ordeal, one
song in particular gripped my heart and soul in a fresh and new way. I’m referring to her song called “Dawn”.
Rebecca herself describes this song in this way:
“For me, this song is very, very personal; one of the most
personal songs I’ve possibly ever written.
It really ties into a time of winter that my husband and I experienced
just a few years ago…we experienced two miscarriages in between having our
first daughter and our second. There
were vocational challenges…outside family issues, internal emotional things
that both my husband and I were dealing with.
Just a lot at once. And there
were definitely times of just wondering, ‘How are we going to not only walk
through this right now, but we believe in the faithfulness and redemption of
God, but how is this going to happen?
How are we going to see good come out of this season?’
[Rebecca continues:] Out of that time, God brought my
husband and I, and our little family into such a brand new [season of] spring. And such a new time of joy, and sunrise, and
dawn. This song is a song of hope…it
talks about being held by God’s love; and that He brings the dawn. He brings hope to our lives…I pray that when
people hear it, not only will they authentically resonate with the lyrics, but
they also a reminded that Jesus brings the sunrise; He brings redemption; He brings
restoration to our hearts. (Her words
can be found here)
The song (and by the way, I’ve included the official studio session of this song from Rebecca’s you tube channel which can be found at this link) starts in this way: “Lord, I’m so tired in this fight. Tired of waking up with no end in sight. I feel I’ve got so little left; I know that I’ve come to the end of myself. Help me hold on, cling to You ‘til I see the sun. Held by Your love, I sing allelujah. You’re lifting my heart, as I lift my hands. Safe in Your love, I sing allelujah. You’re healing my heart, as I lift my hands.” It would be neglectful of me if I didn’t also cite these powerful words from the song: “Even in the darkness, even when it’s hardest, You are faithful and You bring the dawn. On every mountain, I’ll sing it even louder, You are faithful and You bring the dawn.” Amen and amen!
Praising God,
Kevin
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