Personal reflections (part 4 of 4)

As you see from the title, today’s blog is the final installment in a collection of blogs I started earlier this month speculating on what I might say to my younger self, if I somehow had the ability to do so.

Rather than conclude with just one final piece of advice, I’ve decided to end this set of blogs by briefly talking about various subjects.  I’ve chosen to go this route because I realized that there were several other things that I could have devoted entire blogs to, but I didn’t want this “personal reflections” series to drag on (plus I wanted to end it on my birthday).  So today is going to be like a lightning round, if you will.  Let me get started and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

For example, I would counsel a young Kevin about how sin has severe consequences.  It’s interesting to note that the Bible doesn’t deny that sin is fun, but it's quick to add that the enjoyment is very brief (“the fleeting pleasures of sin” is how it’s phrased in Hebrews 11:25).  I’ll be transparent with you: every time I have chosen sin, I've never really enjoyed it.  Why?  Because regret, shame, and heartache are all that lingers as a result of going down that road.  It’s not worth it.  The price tag is much too costly.  Choose to walk the path of righteousness.

Another subject matter that I would love to share with my younger self is how extremely important it is to wait on God rather than take matters into your own hands.  The Lord recently brought a quote from author John Ortberg to my mind that I hadn’t thought about in years.  While this isn’t a word for word quote, essentially Ortberg wrote that it’s important to wait upon the Lord because what we wait for isn’t as important as who we become as we wait.  It’s true.  As I’ve waited on Him, God has taught me valuable lessons in my life that have helped shape me into the person I am today.

Some of you may find this next one silly, but stay with me.  I would tell my young self about the selflessness of superheroes (incidentally, while I'm on this subject, that new TV show “The Flash” is outstanding.  I highly recommend it to you).  In the animated film “Ultimate Avengers 2: Rise of the Panther” Iron Man and Captain America have an interesting discussion.  Iron Man tells Captain America, “You’ve got guts.  I go for the glory.  I’m not interested in posthumous awards.”  “Well,” Cap answers.  “You never really know until the time comes.”

The time does come when, later on, a huge meteorite descends upon the city.  “I think I can deflect it.”  Iron Man announces.  “But can you survive that?”  Captain America asks.  “If not, I’ll take that posthumous award.”  He is able to save everyone and survive, with help from Thor’s hammer to revive his heart.  I have to admit to you that I became a bigger Iron Man fan as a result of seeing all this unfold.  Moreover, I’ve seen many other superheroes selflessly choose to face their own demise if it meant protecting others, and I always find it inspiring.

In conclusion, I would be negligent if I didn’t mention one final thing: I would tell a young Kevin Bauer to choose to serve others, with no expectation of repayment.  Philippians 2:3-4 is one of the integral passages of my life.  It essentially instructs us not to be stuck on self (or, as my mom calls it: not to suffer from “me-itis”; do you get the idea?  Some sicknesses end with “itis”, such as bronchitis or laryngitis); instead choose to consider the well-being, happiness, and welfare of others.  Rebecca St. James stated in a song entitled “Alive” that everything this culture offers doesn’t compare to the incredible joy that comes from giving to others.  I have found from personal experience that she is absolutely correct.

Kevin

Personal reflections (part 3)

A little while ago, I began a multiple blog set where I began articulating some of the things that I would say to a younger version of Kevin Bauer, if I had the chance.  Initially, I chose to do this because my birthday is coming up.  However, recent events have made me cherish life, contemplate death, and consider afresh the importance of legacy.

Let me get right to it.  The next thing I would convey to my young self is this: “Kevin, trust in God’s plan for your life.  The path He has planned for you may not necessarily be the easy way, but it is the best way.  Submit to it.”

While I was preparing this blog I had a rather bizarre thought.  Actually, my pastor at church recently said a version of this, and I’m slightly tweaking it here.  But suppose God chose to appear to me at age 16 and say, “Kevin, you are old enough to understand the magnitude of what I’m about to offer you.  I want you to write out on a piece of paper how you want your life to play out.  Give Me all the specifics and I will make sure that it happens just as you compose it.”

God obviously hasn’t made any of us such an offer, nor will He.  After all, He’s not our personal genie in a bottle.  But just for the sake of the illustration, I can assure you if God did present me with this invitation, I would have written out a life for myself that is very different than what I actually live.  I’m not trying to get you to feel sorry for me.  The fact of the matter is, I have a good life.  God has blessed me in so many ways.   And yet if someone were to suggest that my life has gone exactly how I would have envisioned it in my earlier years, they would be wrong. Even so, I choose to trust in God’s plan.

I have to confess that it feels really strange to write a blog and not have my cat, Belle, lying right next to my computer screen as I do.  She just wanted to be close to me.  I often had this thought: did Belle have any idea why I was looking so intently at a screen, and typing?  No, as far as she was concerned, I was just making a strange noise with my fingers as they tapped the keyboard.  Furthermore, if I were to have stopped and explained to her what I was doing she wouldn’t have comprehended anything I was saying.  This is a picture of how it is with God.  The Bible tells us that God is in control, but we certainly don't understand why He permits the things that He does.  We look up and ask Him, “What are you doing, God?”  And He says, “If I explained it to you, you wouldn’t get it.  Just trust Me.”

I admit that I am tempted to question God's plan at times.  I'm tempted to lean on my own limited human understanding.  Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”  I love this verse because we all have a tendency to lean on our own understanding, but God wants us to trust in Him and His plan, not our finite comprehension.  I firmly believe that His plan for my life is infinitely better than anything I could ever dream up for myself.

Kevin

A death in the family

I need to take a brief break from what I’ve been blogging about of late to inform you of sad news.  I’m grieving today.  I’m grieving for the death of my cat, Belle.  She died yesterday.  I know this loss may not seem like that big a deal to you, but this cat has been my companion, shadow, and pal for half of my life.  She’s been with me for seventeen or eighteen years.  I wanted to share some pictures with you.  I could share so many, but I will limit it to 7.

Belle Bauer

Precious few pictures were taken of Belle when she was a kitten.  Notice I'm not wearing my purity ring yet.  I got that at age 16.

She loved to play.

"Peek-a-boo"

"Will you turn that light off?  I'm trying to sleep!"

"This sunlight feels so good."

Best buddies!

I will miss my cat.  I will miss her playfulness (in her prime she would actually play "fetch" just like a dog.  You could throw a ball, she would run after it, pick it up with her mouth, and take it right back to you), I will miss her limitless energy, her idiosyncrasies, her devotion, and how picturesque she was.  Life will go on, but right now, it doesn’t seem quite normal.

Kevin

Personal reflections (part 2)

In my previous blog, I brought up a question that I had apparently seen from a book title in a grocery story: if I could somehow communicate with my younger self, what would I say?  I mentioned the first thing.  Today I want to continue on to the second bit of advice I would give.

The next thing I would say to my young self is this: “Kevin, you will be hurt in your life.  Don’t hold on to the anger, resentment, and bitterness that comes with that hurt: choose to enjoy the incredible benefits of forgiveness.”

I took a stroll down memory lane.  I mentally recalled the major instances where someone deeply hurt me in my life.  They may not have physically assaulted me, but they certainly assaulted me emotionally.  You say, “There’s a fun mental game!  Why torture yourself with dredging up those memories?”  But, you see, that’s the word for it.  I dredge them up because I don’t live in them anymore. While it is undeniable that I have been hurt, I don’t live with the baggage of what these people said to me.  Why not?  Because, through the power of forgiveness, I have been set free.

It is so easy to hold a grudge.  It’s easy to harbor unforgiveness toward the person who hurt you.  You even begin to mentally fantasize how you can pay this person back somehow.  Even though we think this is some sort of whip that injures the person who hurt us, it isn’t.  You are only hurting yourself by living this way.  I remember when I learned this lesson for myself.  I remember when I extended forgiveness to someone who hurt me the deepest I've ever been hurt; I was liberated.

Someone wants to ask me this important question: “If you forgive, aren't you letting the other person get away with what they did?”  Not really.  For example, let’s say someone is a victim of rape.  I don’t enjoy bringing up such a dark topic, but this could very well be a real scenario for someone who reads this. If you were the victim of such a heinous deed, it would be natural to go the rest of your life despising the guilty party.  You must still extend forgiveness to the person, because if you don’t, you will be eaten up with rage, hate, and bitterness.  But this doesn’t exonerate the other person from their actions.

Romans 12 says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord”” (verse 19).  You see, too many today view God as only a God of love and mercy.  While He is certainly that, He is also a God of justice as well.  When you forgive this person, you are essentially refusing to take the matter into your own hands, and instead placing the situation into God’s capable hands.  The Lord knows what happened.  Let Him take care of dishing out the justice to the guilty.  

Kevin

Personal reflections (part 1)

I often see this picture of myself that was taken way back in 1985.

I’ve seen this picture and thought to myself, “If I was able to communicate with this boy, what would I say to him?  What lessons would I try to pass on to him, if I had the ability to do so?”

 

It turns out this thought was actually inspired by a book title that I had seen in the grocery store.  Ellyn Spragins wrote a book entitled “What I Know Now: Letters to my Younger Self.”  I haven’t read it, so I’m not necessarily recommending it, but the book begins with a very intriguing question: “If you could somehow postmark a letter back to your younger self, what age would you choose and what would the letter say?”  While this book is apparently written for women, I certainly think it applies to men as well.  And, as I said, this is a question that I’ve posed to myself when I see this picture of a very young boy.

The reason I’m bringing this up now is because my birthday is coming up soon (my birthday is June 29th).  Thus, I’m thinking about my life and my legacy.  This is a subject that I often think about, but it’s on the forefront of my mind right now, particularly in light of the news of Elisabeth Elliot and the fact that my time on this Earth will not be forever.

So what I’ve decided to do is devote several blogs to what I might convey to my younger self.  The first thing I would say is this: “Kevin, first and foremost, when you are presented with the truth of the gospel say “yes” to the Lord.  Give your heart and life to Jesus.  Become a Christian.  Nothing else is as important as this decision.”

Thankfully, in 1987, I did just that.  Billy Graham, at the old Mile High Stadium, presented the truth of the gospel; during the altar call, I told my parents that I needed to go forward.  God showed me my need for a Savior.  I’m so thankful for my relationship with the God of the universe.  Without Him, I am nothing.  Without Him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Kevin

The enduring legacy of Elisabeth Elliot

I just heard the news that Christian missionary, author, and speaker Elisabeth Elliot died today.  She was 88.

Elisabeth Elliot left an incredible legacy for God.  Her life impacted so many lives.  Without a doubt, she will be remembered for many reasons.  For example, many will remember her as the host of the radio program “Gateway to Joy” which ran until 2001.  She would always begin her broadcast by quoting Jeremiah 31:3.  She would say, “You are loved with an everlasting love.”

Many will remember Elisabeth as a prolific author.  I have many of her books in my collection.  I think my favorite is her excellent work “Passion and Purity”.  I love this book and I would recommend it to you.  For those that don’t know, this is the book that describes the courtship she had with her first husband, Jim Elliot (a man who was eventually martyred for the cause of Christ) and the lessons she learned along the way.

 

There was a time when she and Jim were very much in love, but they didn’t get married until God gave the green light.  With that context, let me share a quote.  It’s a lengthier quote than I normally give in this blog, but it’s my tribute to Elisabeth Elliot.  It’s my tribute to her strong Christian voice, character, and witness.

She writes, “We were being asked to trust, to leave the planning to God.  God’s ultimate plan was as far beyond our imagination as the oak tree is from the acorn’s imaginings.  The acorn does what it was made to do without pestering its Maker with questions about when and how and why.  We who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the divine Pattern for Good are asked to believe Him.

[She continues] “We were given the chance to trust Him when He says to us, “If any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self.”  When will we find it? We ask.  The answer is, Trust Me.  How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust Me.  Why must I let myself be lost? We persist.  The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me.”

I conclude with a beautiful passage from Philippians.  The Apostle Paul wrote, “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).  Because of her right relationship with God, through Christ, Elisabeth is now experiencing untold bliss in Heaven.  As a matter of fact, it’s so wonderful that Jesus actually called it “paradise” in Luke 23:43.

Kevin      

"Life is like a thunderstorm"

Back in March, I quoted from Peter Parker (a.k.a. Spider-Man) in this blog; today I wanted to return to that quote again because it came back to my mind.  In an episode where Peter found himself framed by the Kingpin for a crime that he didn’t commit, Parker makes a profound statement.  He states, “Life is like a thunderstorm.  It’s unpredictable, uncontrollable, sometimes even dangerous.  We’d like to think we have a handle on life; that we are in charge.  Then without warning, we find out how wrong we really are.”  These words are so thought-provoking that a part of me actually just wants to stop the blog right here.  But I won’t (to the surprise of no one).

To begin, I live in the state of Colorado.  For a while now, there have been a lot of thunderstorms.  I can attest to you from personal experience that Peter’s illustration is apt.  Many days of late have started out as beautiful, but suddenly, they have changed into very stormy times; weather that includes pouring rain, lightning, thunder, hail, even tornados.  Peter is right.  Inclement weather is certainly unpredictable, uncontrollable, and even dangerous.

Let me move quickly from the illustration to Peter’s main point.  “Life,” he begins, “is like a thunderstorm.  It’s unpredictable, uncontrollable, sometimes even dangerous.”  This is so profoundly true.  As you know, last month, stormy weather (metaphorically speaking) rocked the Bauer family.  My father received a diagnosis of thin Melanoma.  Thankfully, it was discovered so soon that it was resolved quickly.  But other unpredictable storms have emerged since, even as recently as last week.

“We’d like to think we have a handle on life; that we are in charge.  Then, without warning, we find out how wrong we really are.”  I love this part of the quote.  Recently, I saw an interesting commercial.  I apologize for my lack of detail of it, but I couldn’t find it again on the Internet so I can’t describe it as thoroughly as I would like.  Basically, this guy kept saying “I got this” throughout the entire commercial.  Whatever situation came up, he felt he could handle it.  As I traverse life, I find myself saying just the opposite.  I am weak, frail, and inadequate.  I desperately need God.  No one else is sufficient.  Only God can truly say, “I got this.”

Kevin

An unusual dream

I wanted to share a dream I had earlier this week.  I have no idea why I dreamed this; there was nothing that happened to me recently that would have triggered this.  Even so, here it is.

In my dream, I was at my church for a Sunday morning worship service.  I was sitting in the front row, listening to my pastor preach.  For some reason, my pastor began to talk about me.  When he did, he was interrupted by a spontaneous outburst from the congregation.  In unison, they shouted, “Kevin Bauer!”  Do you remember the TV show “Cheers”?  There was a character in that show named Norm Peterson.  One of the regular occurrences in that show is when Norm would walk into the bar, and everyone would scream out “Norm” in an enthusiastic manner.  That’s the tone the congregation had in my dream.

Why was my full name used in my dream?  Let me advance a theory on that.  I have a coworker who has a habit of greeting me in this way.  Rather than just say my first name, he will use my first and last name (incidentally, I enjoy when he does this; it always makes me smile).  So, while I’m certainly not an expert on dreams, I suspect that my subconscious recalled my coworker’s greeting.  Perhaps this is why I was greeted in this way in my dream.

Anyway, as I said, my pastor begins to speak about me, and the whole audience yells, “Kevin Bauer” like the fellow patrons greeted Norm Peterson at Cheers.  So what happened next in the dream?  Without missing a beat, I immediately pointed up, like athletes do, and I said, “Let’s not focus on me; let’s focus on God.”  At this point, the dream shifted to another scene, but I like to think that my pastor relayed what I said to the congregation.  I mention this because I wouldn’t have had a microphone.

I freely concede that this is a somewhat odd dream.  But the reason I share it is because it’s a snapshot of my life.  Just like I did in the dream, I want to divert any glory from myself to God.  I am not worthy of praise, glory, or adulation.  I am not great; God is great.  If anything good comes from my life, it’s not because of me, it’s because of Him.

Kevin