"To whom shall we go?"

I can imagine some are tempted to ask me, “Kevin, in the last blog you mention trusting God, even in the midst of this intense pain you’re experiencing.  Why have you chosen to do this?  After all, God took your dad.  Why trust God?  Why not blame Him, and get angry at Him?”

First of all, let me say that I’m well aware that everyone grieves differently.  No two people mourn in the same exact same way.  Some may develop intense anger at God when a loved one passes away.  While I don’t think it’s healthy to stay there, God is big enough to handle that anger.

Having said that, let me state that I’m clinging to God, not lashing out in anger at Him.  This new road isn’t one I would have chosen for myself, but I choose to trust God because I believe His will is superior.  So did my dad.  He concluded his prayers with a phrase that Jesus taught us to pray in the Lord’s Prayer: “Thy will be done” (Matthew 6:10; KJV).  My mom has said, ““Thy will be done” is really hard sometimes.”  I agree.  But the Lord saw fit for Dad to have his “homecoming” when no one would ever have predicted it was about to happen (including Dad himself).  God’s ways and thoughts are high above my ways and thoughts.  I say to the Lord, “Thy will be done.”

 

In John 6, Jesus speaks such difficult truths that we read in verse 66 “from this time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more.”  Verse 67: “Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?”  Peter gives a wonderful answer, he says, “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.”  Amen!  Where else am I going to go in this midst of this pain, sorrow, and suffering?  I’m going to run to God.  Without Him, I’m sunk.  Psalm 73:26 is a verse that has meant a lot to me over the years, and it means even more now; it reads, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Kevin      

Blog words revisited

I don’t make it a habit of re-submitting entire blog installments that I’ve previously written, but I read a blog that I wrote back in October of 2014 entitled “Trusting in God’s sovereignty” that I feel must be shared again.  Here’s what I wrote that day:

‘The other day, I was watching a morning talk show.  They were interviewing a star of a new hit TV show.  This person was asked if the cast knew what was eventually going to happen to their characters for the season.  She answered that they don’t know what is going to happen, just like the viewers.  She added that this was difficult for her because she is, by nature, a person who likes to be in control, but in this case, she can’t.  Then she stated that she has learned to “trust the writers,” because they are good at their job.

That phrase that she used of trusting the writers has subsequently been stuck in my head ever since I heard it.  I’ve been applying it to my Christian life.  I’ve never actually read the book “What God Writes Your Life Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy, but I love the picture that this title brings.  As a Christian man who has submitted his life to God, it is the Lord Himself who composes the chapters of my life story.  I desire for Him to write my life story the way He deems best.

Believe me, this is easy to say, but harder to live out.  There have been times where I look at certain episodes in my life, and candidly, I question why God chose to compose that section of my life story in that particular way.  This is where trust comes in.  Even when life isn’t easy, I have to decide afresh to put my trust in God, the writer of my life story.  He knows what is best.’

I find these words quite relevant as I think about how my life dramatically changed when my dad passed away.  You probably already know this, but even in the midst of this very painful trial in my life, I choose to put my trust in God.  Does this mean that I’m giddy over the direction God has taken my life?  Of course not.  This is sorrow, pain, and suffering unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.  But I trust in God and His plan for me, no matter what.  I echo the words of the Psalmist: “I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” (Psalm 91:2).

Kevin

Bittersweet holiday number 1

As I have contemplated a life without my father, one of the things I personally have not been looking forward to is holidays.  As wonderful as Christmas is, for example, I can envision that it is during these occasions that one can especially feel the absence of the dearly departed loved one.  Today is the first holiday for the Bauer family.  Today is Mom and Dad’s wedding anniversary.  Because of this, this is obviously a rather hard day.

A friend recently shared a fitting statement with me.  He explained that he came up with this phrase many years ago, as he walked through death and loss in his life.  He said, “Smile while you cry.”  That’s what I want to do.  In fact, I asked him if I could use that statement, and he agreed.  Let me repeat it: “Smile while you cry.”  Smile as you look back and think of the wonderful memories, (and smile at how Dad is enjoying the incredible wonders of Heaven).  But obviously there are numerous tears as well.

In an attempt to “smile while I cry” I want to focus on the wonderful marriage that my parents enjoyed.  In fact, last year, I devoted a blog to the fact that it was my parent’s 40th anniversary.  Mom and Dad were able to have many anniversary celebrations.  Not only this, they were also able to have decades and decades of wedded bliss together.  They were very much in love.  They had a strong, stable marriage that many couples only dream of having.  In fact – as I said in my blog this time last year – their marriage was an inspiration not only to me, but also to many others as well.

Conversely, as I’ve already said, now that the Bauer family is walking this road of loss, today is a bittersweet day.  Please continue to pray for my mom.  This whole ordeal has been hard on all of us, but I think it affects her the most.  She recently said that the days are not getting easier, they are getting harder.  I imagine that this day will be an especially difficult day for her.

Kevin

"Father to the fatherless"

In Psalm 68, we read, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling” (verse 5; NIV).  I found a helpful article from the website got questions.org.  This article is answering the question why God is called a “father to the fatherless.”  I’m not going to quote the whole thing here (I will have a link below), but check out this paragraph.

“He presents himself as a Father because we all know what a father is and does.  Even if we did not have earthly fathers who treated us well, we have an intrinsic understanding of what a good father should be.  God planted that understanding in our hearts.  We all have a need to be loved, cherished, protected, and valued.  Ideally, an earthly father will meet those needs, but even if he doesn’t, God will.  Jesus taught His followers to address God as Father (Luke 11:2).  Throughout Scripture, God describes His love for us as that of a caring parent (Isaiah 49:15; John 16:26-27; 2 Corinthians 6:18).  Although He possesses characteristics of both father and mother (Isaiah 66:13), He chooses the masculine word because it denotes strength, protection, and provision (Psalm 54:4).”

I had the thought that someone came across this blog for the very first time because you were drawn to the concept of God being a father to the fatherless.  Perhaps your dad has recently died.  Perhaps your father has been completely absent and detached from your life.  Whatever the case may be, it’s not an accident that God led you to this blog.  Not because my words are great, but because God’s Word is great.  The Bible explicitly states that God is a father to the fatherless.  He will fill the void that your earthly father’s absence has created.

Perhaps you are thinking, “How do you know that?”  I know it because God’s path for my life was for my wonderful father’s earthly existence to end last month at the age of 60.  We still have no idea why this occurred aside from the broad answer that it was the time God predetermined before he was even born (see Psalm 139:16).

 

My dad was a great dad.  He was always ready at a moment’s notice to help me in whatever way I needed help.  But now that he is gone, I have noticed that God really is a “father to the fatherless.” I love that last sentence in that got questions.org article that I cited earlier.  It reads, “He chooses the masculine word because it denotes strength, protection, and provision.”  Throughout this whole dark, trying, painful season, God has shown that He is strong, He is protector, and He is provider.

Kevin

http://www.gotquestions.org/father-to-the-fatherless.html

Brief clarification

I think I know what some of you might be thinking.  You’ve seen that I’ve given my father some very high compliments in this blog.  I’ve called my dad things like a superhero and servant.  Thus, some of you have concluded that because I am without Dad now, I am guilty of idealizing him while being completely blinded to his faults.  This is simply not so.

I had the privilege of spending a lot of time with my dad.  I can say with confidence that I knew him well.  Therefore, I am well aware of his warts, faults, and shortcomings.  The things that I have said about my dad’s character are true.  He really was a wonderful man of God.  However, by saying these things, I’m not suggesting that he was some sort of a super-saint who lived a life free from, “the sin that so easily besets us” (the old King James version’s rendering of Hebrews 12).  My father had struggles with sin, just like everyone else.  The Bible says, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8).

Having freely admitted this, it is also undeniable that my father was growing in holiness and becoming more and more Christ-like as he was living out his last days on this Earth.  I could tell you stories to illustrate.   Dad completed his race with such qualities as integrity, faithfulness, and humility.  No, he wasn’t perfect, but he was overcoming, through the power of Jesus Christ.

Kevin  

The delights of Heaven

Because of recent events, I’ve been contemplating Heaven a lot.  I decided to look back at the various times I’ve highlighted Heaven in this blog.  I had fun doing so.  For example, in July of 2014, I wrote a blog entitled “Heaven: a place of bliss and happiness.”  In that blog I tried to dash the erroneous notion that Heaven is a boring place.  In Luke 23, Jesus actually calls Heaven “paradise”; the word “paradise” doesn’t really conjure up images of boredom, does it?

In that same blog, I also explained that not everyone goes to Heaven.  I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this notion today, but I did want to briefly mention it so that I’m not misunderstood.  Don’t buy into the erroneous idea that everybody in the whole wide world will ultimately access Heaven’s gates; the Bible never teaches that.  It is only reserved for those who have put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ.

In February of 2012, I used a scene from “The Wizard of Oz” to try to illustrate how wonderful Heaven is.  In the beginning, the movie is in black and white, but when Dorothy firsts arrives in Oz, she sees everything in brilliant color.  Plus, there is beautiful music playing.  I pointed out that while this scene isn’t the perfect illustration of Heaven - for instance, Dorothy immediately wanted to leave Oz - I hope it is a helpful mental picture for you, nevertheless.  

Heaven is going to be outstanding.  It will have beautiful sights, fantastic refrains of music, and various other amazing delights that are on a much higher level of anything our finite brains have ever experienced.  Oz's beauty, in stark contrast to Kansas, helps capture Heaven's incredible beauty in my brain, hopefully it does for yours as well.

In September of 2014, Truett Cathy went to be with the Lord; I blogged the news.  My words that day helped me as I contemplate this new chapter of my life now.  I talked about how there are men in Heaven that I will see again one day.  I mentioned my Grandfather, Pastor Rick Ferguson, and Truett Cathy.  I concluded that blog with words from an old hymn.  These words are like healing balm to me; they are as follows: “When we all see Jesus what a day of rejoicing that will be!  When we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout the victory!”

Kevin

Some things you shouldn't say to a grieving person

There’s an interesting verse tucked away in Job 2.  Job has endured the worst episode of suffering in his life.  He has essentially lost everything he had except for his life.  As the dust finally starts to settle, we read that three of Job’s friends want to support, encourage, and comfort him.  What do they do?  Job 2:13: “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

 

Did you get that?  Nobody said anything to Job; they simply supported him by being with him.  There’s great wisdom in this approach.  In fact, the second they began to open their mouths they just made everything worse.  They began to articulate that they knew why such calamity came upon Job.  Essentially, they each put their foot in their mouth.

As I have walked this path of loss, I have noticed that some well-intentioned people have said things that shouldn't be said to a grieving person.  For example, someone said, “God needed another angel up there in Heaven.”  Please don’t ever say that to someone in mourning.  If God needed another angel, He would simply create more.  He doesn’t take someone to Heaven because He needs another angel.

Here’s another one: “Time heals all wounds.”  I’m processing living without my dad and you want to tell me that time is just going to heal my wound?  I’ve talked to enough people who have a lost a parent who would tell you that the wound from this kind of loss never really goes away.  Yes, in time it becomes more bearable, but it’s like a deep cut that can easily be re-opened.  For example, after hearing your loved one’s favorite song you are still going to cry.  Time doesn't heal all wounds.

Some will take on the role of Job’s friends and explain to the grieving person, in no uncertain terms, exactly why God did this.  Be very careful.  God’s ways and thoughts are not ours.  Sometimes there are no answers and that’s OK.  Furthermore, a grieving person doesn’t need an explanation; they need support.

By the way, I think it's important for me to state that when someone has said something inappropriate during this time of grieving and loss, I'm well aware that they were well-meaning.  They didn't intend to say something that they shouldn't have said.  Their heart was in the right place.  They wanted to speak words of comfort and healing.  So I'm not insinuating that I'm angry at the people who have said these odd phrases.  I'm writing this blog today because I'm walking a path of loss that you might not be walking, and thus I wanted to share my perspective with you.  

Furthermore, I’m not suggesting that you can’t say anything to a grieving person.  I’m simply proposing that it is best to use discernment, prudence, and common sense.  Put yourself in the grieving person’s shoes.  They have lost their loved one, so is it really wise to say, “God needed another angel in Heaven”?  It would be much better to just give the person a hug, and simply say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Kevin

Three options

Earlier this week, I talked about how, in 2002, the Ferguson family was plunged into an unexpected ordeal when Rick’s Earthly life ended after a car accident.  This news rocked everyone because of the suddenness of it.  Rick was only 46 years old.  I’ve been thinking about this episode because of the similarities to the road the Bauer family is now walking.  To cite another example of this, both my dad and Rick Ferguson had their “homecoming” (as we like to call it) in July.

I have in my possession the CD of Rick Ferguson’s Memorial Service.  Listening to it again has helped me in my grieving process.  Brett Ferguson, Rick’s oldest son, delivered a message on that day that I’m certain helped many people.  He said many useful things, but I want to share one quote in particular.  Here’s what he said:

“[There are] three options.  There are three ways you can look at what happened Thursday [July 25th, 2002].  You can say it was an accident.  If there is a god, he’s not in control.  Tragic things happen in life.  Dad was here, he lived a great life, and now he’s gone.  It’s too bad.  It’s hard to make sense out of that [option].  You could say, “It wasn’t an accident, it was an attack from Satan.”  Dad was doing good things and Satan just took him.  Well, that leaves God pretty impotent, doesn’t it?

Or a third option: a beautiful [and] glorious appointment.  God is in Heaven.  He knows what is going on.  When [for example] Dad was hit by a car at age 13, God breathed life into him, because He knew that his appointment wasn’t until last Thursday [July 25, 2002].  So it’s up to you, you can look at this at any of those three ways.  I’m going to choose to look at this as an appointment.  Because I believe that God is sovereign [that is, that He is in complete control].”

I am with Brett.  Death is not a random, arbitrary event.  Nor is death a satanic attack.  Don’t forget that God is much more powerful than Satan.  For example, in the book of Job, God gives Satan the green light to afflict Job, but He tells the devil that he must spare Job’s life. Whether he liked it or not, Satan had to comply with God’s command.

Psalm 139:16 is a verse that is a tremendous comfort.  It reads, “Your eyes saw me when I was still an unformed child.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book before one of them had taken place” (GWT).  Even before my dad was born God knew when his “homecoming” was going to be.  We don’t live a day longer or a day shorter than what God ordained.

Kevin

The words I said at my father's service

I thought you would enjoy knowing what I said about my father at his funeral service.  So I transcribed it and will share them with you now.

“Hello everyone.  I’m the first-born son, Kevin.  I had the honor of calling Jerry my father.  You know, there’s only one Jerry Bauer.  There’s no way any of us could duplicate who he was.  Both my brother and I have a love for superheroes that he didn’t particularly share.  But that’s one of our quirks, we both love superheroes.

I’m a writer.  Not a professional writer, but I do love to write.  I found something that I wrote a couple years ago.  I said: ‘You don’t have to have superhuman speed or strength like Superman to be a superhero.  One can be a normal, everyday person, and be a superhero, if they live out their life in a self-sacrificial way.  If they live a life in humble service to others.’  I looked at that and I thought, “That’s my father.”  I’ll read it again.  ‘One can be a normal, everyday person, and be a superhero, if they live out their life in a self-sacrificial way.  If they live a life in humble service to others.’

My father was a superhero.  And coming from me, that is a very high compliment.  I want to be as selfless, altruistic, and unselfish as my father, Jerry, was.

God bless you all”

Kevin

The heart of a servant

In 1999, Pastor Rick Ferguson wrote a book entitled “The Servant Principle”.  I’ve been thinking about Pastor Rick lately because no one on Earth could possibly have known that only a few years later – 2002 – Rick was going to enter eternity.  No one would have ever predicted that this was going to happen to him at such a young age (he was 46).  As his family, his church, and his friends came to the realization that they were going to have to live life without him, they were stunned and completely shell-shocked.  As you know, I can certainly relate!

Today, I want to share a quote from Rick’s book.  He wrote, “True servants do not draw attention to themselves.  In fact, they will try to divert the attention away from themselves, pointing instead to Christ and to others.  A true servant is just like John the Baptist, who said of the Lord Jesus, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30; KJV)… A servant is willing to serve unnoticed without applause.  Servants never seek any recognition.”

It’s undeniable that my dad was a servant.  He epitomized that quote.  He served without demanding accolades, recognition, or the limelight.  Someone said that he did his duties stealthily or perhaps a good illustration is like a spy.  He would do the job, and then quietly move on, never expecting fanfare, praise, or applause.  In fact, if he did happen to get the praise, he quickly diverted it to God.  Let me tell you a quick story to illustrate.

I don’t recall all of the details, but Dad was able to help someone in his sphere of influence.  Everyone was trying to heap praise upon him, but he wouldn’t have it.  I remember very clearly what he said; he simply declared, “I give God the glory for that.”  That was my dad!  He didn’t hog the spotlight.  He knew that life wasn’t about receiving praise from mankind; it was about serving faithfully without acclaim.

Kevin

Revisiting a Spider-Man quote

In an episode of Spider-Man the animated series, Peter Parker, a man who is used to dealing with adverse circumstances, finds himself completely panic-stricken.  He finds himself framed for a crime that he didn’t commit.  As he contemplates this scary situation, he remarks, “Life is like a thunderstorm.  It’s unpredictable, uncontrollable, sometimes even dangerous.  We’d like to think we have a handle on life; that we are in charge.  Then, without warning, we find out how wrong we really are.”  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Some of you may recognize that quote as I’ve cited it several times in this blog.  But never in a billion years would I have envisioned that when I first quoted it the path God would eventually have me walk is living a life without my father.  If you want an illustration of just how unpredictable life is, if you want an example of how we are not in charge of life, I invite you to look no further than the death of a 60 year old man who had no signs whatsoever that he was living his last days on this Earth.

 

One of the most arrogant statements I’ve ever heard in my life was when I heard a public speaker state that he “expected” to live to be 100 years old.  Yes, “expect” is the exact word that he used.  What a foolish thing to say!  This experience has taught me afresh that you can’t have a cavalier attitude about life.  Death can come at any age.  It doesn’t say, “Oh, hold on, this person has only lived 6 months, 20 years, 35 years, or 60 years.  I’ll be back later.”  Life is fragile, and it shouldn’t be taken for granted.  I have a keychain that has this inscription on it: “Each day is a gift from God.”  Cherish every day for the gift that it is. 

Kevin

Helpful words

Not long ago, I talked about the short-lived TV show “Birds of Prey”.  While some loved the show, others did not.  As for me, even though I am not blind to this show’s flaws, I have to admit that I enjoyed it.

 

In the pilot episode, Helena Kyle, the main character (who happens to be the child of Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle), is talking with Barbara Gordon.  For those of you that don’t know, Barbara Gordon used to be Batman’s cohort, Batgirl.  In the show, Barbara was shot in the spine by the Joker, confining her to a wheelchair. Because of this, she was obviously unable to be Batgirl anymore.  However, she is still able to serve Gotham City by aiding Helena in the field with her experience, know-how, and technological expertise.

Helena says to Barbara, “I can’t be who you were.”  These words came to my mind as I continue to deal with the sudden loss of my father.  Barbara responded to Helena’s statement with words that I think my dad would say back to me, if he could.  She said, “Good.  Be yourself instead.”

As I said in my last blog, there’s only one Jerry Bauer.  I could never be my dad.  For instance, I’m a very serious person; Dad was a bit of a class clown.  For instance, upon arriving to his work, he would greet his coworkers, and ask them how they were doing.  After they answered, Dad would reply, “Well, you look terrible.”  Of course, he was kidding and everyone knew it.  In fact, they now acutely miss hearing him say that line.

I don’t have that kind of a sense of humor.  Now that Dad is gone, it would be easy to think, “OK, I need to work on being funnier, like Dad was.”  But my dad would echo the words of Barbara Gordon: “Be yourself instead.”  Years ago, Dr. Pepper ran a slogan that has stuck in my mind all this time.  It simply declared, “Be you.”  Judy Garland put it well when she said, “It’s better to be a first-rate version of yourself than a second-rate version of somebody else.”

Kevin

Not all heroes wear capes

2015 has been a difficult year for me.  I’ve documented some of the ordeals that have come my way.  While all of those trials were legitimate, they seem rather small compared to the news I'm about to share with you.  My father, Jerry, died.  He was only 60 years old.

 

This news is shocking because my father was the model of health.  He ate healthy foods; he exercised regularly; and he had very little caffeine.  Never in a million years would anyone predict that this would happen.  Yes, he had that Melanoma crisis back in May, but that was resolved – that wasn’t the cause.  You may be asking, “What was the cause, then?”  Well, as of right now, the reason eludes us (the autopsy report is still pending).  All we know for sure is his race on this Earth has concluded.

 

Let me move on to the impact that my father, Jerry Bauer, made on me.  In short, he was one of my heroes.  In fact, a couple of years ago, I got him a t-shirt for Father’s Day that had a picture of a man with Superman’s “S” emblem on the chest, and a flowing cape; the caption read: “Dad: Not all heroes wear capes.” 

That shirt is so apropos for my father because, like a superhero, Dad consistently served his wife, family, friends, and coworkers in so many ways, but he refused the credit for doing so.  He was one of the most unselfish people I’ve ever known.  I can't be Jerry Bauer.  He was one of a kind.  But I want to live the rest of my life honoring Dad and his memory by endeavoring to be as selfless, giving, and loving as he was.

Incidentally, his funeral was yesterday, and it was lovely.  I decided to put off blogging about this until after the funeral.  For one thing, we all have been so busy with the thousands of details it takes to put a service like this together.  

While I understand that not everyone who reads these words are praying people, I want to ask that you would please keep the Bauer family in your prayers.  Our worlds have been turned upside down.  Please keep my mother, Rose Mary, in your prayers.  She lost the love of her life.  She was married to my dad for 41 years.  Mom recently said that she felt like she is walking around without a right arm.

I’m sure you want to know how I am holding up.  Of course, I’m grieving and tremendously sad.  This is a road that I never would have signed up to walk.  But, as I’ve said to several people, the hope of Heaven is what is sustaining me.  My father is in Heaven because of his right relationship with God, through Jesus Christ.  Without this truth, I don’t know how I would endure.