"To whom shall we go?"

I can imagine some are tempted to ask me, “Kevin, in the last blog you mention trusting God, even in the midst of this intense pain you’re experiencing.  Why have you chosen to do this?  After all, God took your dad.  Why trust God?  Why not blame Him, and get angry at Him?”

First of all, let me say that I’m well aware that everyone grieves differently.  No two people mourn in the same exact same way.  Some may develop intense anger at God when a loved one passes away.  While I don’t think it’s healthy to stay there, God is big enough to handle that anger.

Having said that, let me state that I’m clinging to God, not lashing out in anger at Him.  This new road isn’t one I would have chosen for myself, but I choose to trust God because I believe His will is superior.  So did my dad.  He concluded his prayers with a phrase that Jesus taught us to pray in the Lord’s Prayer: “Thy will be done” (Matthew 6:10; KJV).  My mom has said, ““Thy will be done” is really hard sometimes.”  I agree.  But the Lord saw fit for Dad to have his “homecoming” when no one would ever have predicted it was about to happen (including Dad himself).  God’s ways and thoughts are high above my ways and thoughts.  I say to the Lord, “Thy will be done.”

 

In John 6, Jesus speaks such difficult truths that we read in verse 66 “from this time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more.”  Verse 67: “Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?”  Peter gives a wonderful answer, he says, “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.”  Amen!  Where else am I going to go in this midst of this pain, sorrow, and suffering?  I’m going to run to God.  Without Him, I’m sunk.  Psalm 73:26 is a verse that has meant a lot to me over the years, and it means even more now; it reads, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Kevin      

Blog words revisited

I don’t make it a habit of re-submitting entire blog installments that I’ve previously written, but I read a blog that I wrote back in October of 2014 entitled “Trusting in God’s sovereignty” that I feel must be shared again.  Here’s what I wrote that day:

‘The other day, I was watching a morning talk show.  They were interviewing a star of a new hit TV show.  This person was asked if the cast knew what was eventually going to happen to their characters for the season.  She answered that they don’t know what is going to happen, just like the viewers.  She added that this was difficult for her because she is, by nature, a person who likes to be in control, but in this case, she can’t.  Then she stated that she has learned to “trust the writers,” because they are good at their job.

That phrase that she used of trusting the writers has subsequently been stuck in my head ever since I heard it.  I’ve been applying it to my Christian life.  I’ve never actually read the book “What God Writes Your Life Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy, but I love the picture that this title brings.  As a Christian man who has submitted his life to God, it is the Lord Himself who composes the chapters of my life story.  I desire for Him to write my life story the way He deems best.

Believe me, this is easy to say, but harder to live out.  There have been times where I look at certain episodes in my life, and candidly, I question why God chose to compose that section of my life story in that particular way.  This is where trust comes in.  Even when life isn’t easy, I have to decide afresh to put my trust in God, the writer of my life story.  He knows what is best.’

I find these words quite relevant as I think about how my life dramatically changed when my dad passed away.  You probably already know this, but even in the midst of this very painful trial in my life, I choose to put my trust in God.  Does this mean that I’m giddy over the direction God has taken my life?  Of course not.  This is sorrow, pain, and suffering unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.  But I trust in God and His plan for me, no matter what.  I echo the words of the Psalmist: “I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” (Psalm 91:2).

Kevin

Bittersweet holiday number 1

As I have contemplated a life without my father, one of the things I personally have not been looking forward to is holidays.  As wonderful as Christmas is, for example, I can envision that it is during these occasions that one can especially feel the absence of the dearly departed loved one.  Today is the first holiday for the Bauer family.  Today is Mom and Dad’s wedding anniversary.  Because of this, this is obviously a rather hard day.

A friend recently shared a fitting statement with me.  He explained that he came up with this phrase many years ago, as he walked through death and loss in his life.  He said, “Smile while you cry.”  That’s what I want to do.  In fact, I asked him if I could use that statement, and he agreed.  Let me repeat it: “Smile while you cry.”  Smile as you look back and think of the wonderful memories, (and smile at how Dad is enjoying the incredible wonders of Heaven).  But obviously there are numerous tears as well.

In an attempt to “smile while I cry” I want to focus on the wonderful marriage that my parents enjoyed.  In fact, last year, I devoted a blog to the fact that it was my parent’s 40th anniversary.  Mom and Dad were able to have many anniversary celebrations.  Not only this, they were also able to have decades and decades of wedded bliss together.  They were very much in love.  They had a strong, stable marriage that many couples only dream of having.  In fact – as I said in my blog this time last year – their marriage was an inspiration not only to me, but also to many others as well.

Conversely, as I’ve already said, now that the Bauer family is walking this road of loss, today is a bittersweet day.  Please continue to pray for my mom.  This whole ordeal has been hard on all of us, but I think it affects her the most.  She recently said that the days are not getting easier, they are getting harder.  I imagine that this day will be an especially difficult day for her.

Kevin

"Father to the fatherless"

In Psalm 68, we read, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling” (verse 5; NIV).  I found a helpful article from the website got questions.org.  This article is answering the question why God is called a “father to the fatherless.”  I’m not going to quote the whole thing here (I will have a link below), but check out this paragraph.

“He presents himself as a Father because we all know what a father is and does.  Even if we did not have earthly fathers who treated us well, we have an intrinsic understanding of what a good father should be.  God planted that understanding in our hearts.  We all have a need to be loved, cherished, protected, and valued.  Ideally, an earthly father will meet those needs, but even if he doesn’t, God will.  Jesus taught His followers to address God as Father (Luke 11:2).  Throughout Scripture, God describes His love for us as that of a caring parent (Isaiah 49:15; John 16:26-27; 2 Corinthians 6:18).  Although He possesses characteristics of both father and mother (Isaiah 66:13), He chooses the masculine word because it denotes strength, protection, and provision (Psalm 54:4).”

I had the thought that someone came across this blog for the very first time because you were drawn to the concept of God being a father to the fatherless.  Perhaps your dad has recently died.  Perhaps your father has been completely absent and detached from your life.  Whatever the case may be, it’s not an accident that God led you to this blog.  Not because my words are great, but because God’s Word is great.  The Bible explicitly states that God is a father to the fatherless.  He will fill the void that your earthly father’s absence has created.

Perhaps you are thinking, “How do you know that?”  I know it because God’s path for my life was for my wonderful father’s earthly existence to end last month at the age of 60.  We still have no idea why this occurred aside from the broad answer that it was the time God predetermined before he was even born (see Psalm 139:16).

 

My dad was a great dad.  He was always ready at a moment’s notice to help me in whatever way I needed help.  But now that he is gone, I have noticed that God really is a “father to the fatherless.” I love that last sentence in that got questions.org article that I cited earlier.  It reads, “He chooses the masculine word because it denotes strength, protection, and provision.”  Throughout this whole dark, trying, painful season, God has shown that He is strong, He is protector, and He is provider.

Kevin

http://www.gotquestions.org/father-to-the-fatherless.html

Brief clarification

I think I know what some of you might be thinking.  You’ve seen that I’ve given my father some very high compliments in this blog.  I’ve called my dad things like a superhero and servant.  Thus, some of you have concluded that because I am without Dad now, I am guilty of idealizing him while being completely blinded to his faults.  This is simply not so.

I had the privilege of spending a lot of time with my dad.  I can say with confidence that I knew him well.  Therefore, I am well aware of his warts, faults, and shortcomings.  The things that I have said about my dad’s character are true.  He really was a wonderful man of God.  However, by saying these things, I’m not suggesting that he was some sort of a super-saint who lived a life free from, “the sin that so easily besets us” (the old King James version’s rendering of Hebrews 12).  My father had struggles with sin, just like everyone else.  The Bible says, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8).

Having freely admitted this, it is also undeniable that my father was growing in holiness and becoming more and more Christ-like as he was living out his last days on this Earth.  I could tell you stories to illustrate.   Dad completed his race with such qualities as integrity, faithfulness, and humility.  No, he wasn’t perfect, but he was overcoming, through the power of Jesus Christ.

Kevin  

The delights of Heaven

Because of recent events, I’ve been contemplating Heaven a lot.  I decided to look back at the various times I’ve highlighted Heaven in this blog.  I had fun doing so.  For example, in July of 2014, I wrote a blog entitled “Heaven: a place of bliss and happiness.”  In that blog I tried to dash the erroneous notion that Heaven is a boring place.  In Luke 23, Jesus actually calls Heaven “paradise”; the word “paradise” doesn’t really conjure up images of boredom, does it?

In that same blog, I also explained that not everyone goes to Heaven.  I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this notion today, but I did want to briefly mention it so that I’m not misunderstood.  Don’t buy into the erroneous idea that everybody in the whole wide world will ultimately access Heaven’s gates; the Bible never teaches that.  It is only reserved for those who have put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ.

In February of 2012, I used a scene from “The Wizard of Oz” to try to illustrate how wonderful Heaven is.  In the beginning, the movie is in black and white, but when Dorothy firsts arrives in Oz, she sees everything in brilliant color.  Plus, there is beautiful music playing.  I pointed out that while this scene isn’t the perfect illustration of Heaven - for instance, Dorothy immediately wanted to leave Oz - I hope it is a helpful mental picture for you, nevertheless.  

Heaven is going to be outstanding.  It will have beautiful sights, fantastic refrains of music, and various other amazing delights that are on a much higher level of anything our finite brains have ever experienced.  Oz's beauty, in stark contrast to Kansas, helps capture Heaven's incredible beauty in my brain, hopefully it does for yours as well.

In September of 2014, Truett Cathy went to be with the Lord; I blogged the news.  My words that day helped me as I contemplate this new chapter of my life now.  I talked about how there are men in Heaven that I will see again one day.  I mentioned my Grandfather, Pastor Rick Ferguson, and Truett Cathy.  I concluded that blog with words from an old hymn.  These words are like healing balm to me; they are as follows: “When we all see Jesus what a day of rejoicing that will be!  When we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout the victory!”

Kevin

Some things you shouldn't say to a grieving person

There’s an interesting verse tucked away in Job 2.  Job has endured the worst episode of suffering in his life.  He has essentially lost everything he had except for his life.  As the dust finally starts to settle, we read that three of Job’s friends want to support, encourage, and comfort him.  What do they do?  Job 2:13: “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

 

Did you get that?  Nobody said anything to Job; they simply supported him by being with him.  There’s great wisdom in this approach.  In fact, the second they began to open their mouths they just made everything worse.  They began to articulate that they knew why such calamity came upon Job.  Essentially, they each put their foot in their mouth.

As I have walked this path of loss, I have noticed that some well-intentioned people have said things that shouldn't be said to a grieving person.  For example, someone said, “God needed another angel up there in Heaven.”  Please don’t ever say that to someone in mourning.  If God needed another angel, He would simply create more.  He doesn’t take someone to Heaven because He needs another angel.

Here’s another one: “Time heals all wounds.”  I’m processing living without my dad and you want to tell me that time is just going to heal my wound?  I’ve talked to enough people who have a lost a parent who would tell you that the wound from this kind of loss never really goes away.  Yes, in time it becomes more bearable, but it’s like a deep cut that can easily be re-opened.  For example, after hearing your loved one’s favorite song you are still going to cry.  Time doesn't heal all wounds.

Some will take on the role of Job’s friends and explain to the grieving person, in no uncertain terms, exactly why God did this.  Be very careful.  God’s ways and thoughts are not ours.  Sometimes there are no answers and that’s OK.  Furthermore, a grieving person doesn’t need an explanation; they need support.

By the way, I think it's important for me to state that when someone has said something inappropriate during this time of grieving and loss, I'm well aware that they were well-meaning.  They didn't intend to say something that they shouldn't have said.  Their heart was in the right place.  They wanted to speak words of comfort and healing.  So I'm not insinuating that I'm angry at the people who have said these odd phrases.  I'm writing this blog today because I'm walking a path of loss that you might not be walking, and thus I wanted to share my perspective with you.  

Furthermore, I’m not suggesting that you can’t say anything to a grieving person.  I’m simply proposing that it is best to use discernment, prudence, and common sense.  Put yourself in the grieving person’s shoes.  They have lost their loved one, so is it really wise to say, “God needed another angel in Heaven”?  It would be much better to just give the person a hug, and simply say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Kevin